Green Eyed Monster continued

Mulder hit 'print' and stretched his back and arms. He brought his left arm down in front of his face and looked at his watch.

Jesus, twelve thirty-three.

The chair issued a tiny squeak as he spun around and looked at Alex. A soft smile graced his lips, as he watched his lover sleeping peacefully on the sofa. He rose to his feet, stretched again and walked quietly over to the unconscious man. He lowered himself to the thick, forest green carpet, sat by Alex's head, and studied his face. "So beautiful," he whispered almost inaudibly, the back of his hand, grazing the surface of the thick, sable hair. Matching eyelashes drifted upward and sleep-glazed eyes attempted to focus on the figure before them. Mulder's hand traveled down to Alex's face and lingered at his cheek, his thumb tracing light circles, just below the bone. The green eyes became more alert. They watched the ever-present pout of his lover's lips become more pronounced, and his hazel eyes change and darken to a turbulent black-green. His heart began to pound double time, as Mulder leaned in and brushed his jaw with his mouth.

"Remember what you said this morning?"

Alex swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. He continued to stare up into Mulder's eyes, saying nothing.

"You said, later. Well, it's later."

Still, nothing.

Mulder's hand traveled down to the buttons on Alex's shirt, undoing one at a time. "How about the other morning? Do you remember what you said, then?"

And... nothing.

"You said, anytime I wanted you. I want you, now." He undid the last button and swept his hand back and forth across Alex's chest, pushing the shirt away, as he did.

Alex's eyes rolled up and his lids dropped over them, as Mulder continued to caress his heated skin.

"I've been thinking about you, all day..." One hand slid up to his throat, then back down, arching up on fingertips as it went. "Carried my jacket around in front of me, quite a lot..." He watched Alex's mouth drop open as his fingers wandered over a flat nipple. Heard the soft gasp as he gently pinched the hardening nub. "I could see you so clearly in my mind, sprawled on our bed, stroking your cock..." He shifted into a kneeling position, allowing himself better access to his lover's body. "... teasing yourself..." His left hand joined his right, giving equal attention to the other nipple. "... waiting for me..." He rolled both nipples between his fingers, pulling a low moan from Alex. "Did you jerk off today, Alex? Or did you save it all up for me?"

Alex's head rolled back and forth against the cushion. His breaths came in shallow pants as Fox's words as well as his touch, sent an electrical surge through his body.

Mulder lowered his head down to Alex's, nibbling and licking at his ear. His coarse whisper tickled the interior. "Tell me you waited for me. Tell me you're so frustrated right now, that you're ready the climb the walls..."

Alex whimpered his name, softly.

"What is it, Lexei? What do you want?" Mulder's hand slid down to the hard bulge in the lightweight pants that Alex wore. "Is it this?"

Alex jerked against his hand and was rewarded with a gentle squeeze. Whatever little will he had when he first woke, was gone. He needed what Fox was offering. He couldn't last another hour without it, and he hated himself for his weakness.

"Please... Fox, please..."

"Have you waited for me since the last time? Has the pressure been building since Sunday morning?"

Alex nodded frantically.

Mulder unbuttoned Alex's pants and slid the zipper down. "You can't wait another minute, can you?"

"No... no, please. I can't... I..."

Alex's frantic sobs were abruptly cut off as Mulder's mouth came down on his. He plunged his hands into the golden-brown hair, loving the silky, sensuous feel of it, as it flowed between his fingers. His soft cries for fulfillment became more demanding as his lover's tongue plunged into his mouth, stroking and teasing everywhere, and the hand at his crotch, worked his cock free of his clothing.

Mulder pulled away from the kiss and smiled as Alex twisted and moaned. He caught the hands that were blindly reaching for him and held the wrists together in one hand. His other hand skimmed the underside of Alex's cock. "Easy, babe. Take it easy..."

Alex's eyes fluttered open and stared up at the older man. Mulder bent down and dragged his tongue across a nipple, sending a shudder through him.

The golden-brown head rose, then the man. He stared down into Alex's tortured green eyes as he unbuttoned and discarded his own shirt. Slowly, he shed his pants and underwear, then backed up and settled in his chair.

"Get up."

Alex did as he was told and stood trembling, waiting for his next instruction.

"Come here."

The younger man approached and stood within inches of the chair. Mulder spread his legs and silently instructed Alex to step between them. His eyes slid down the lean body and settled on the rock hard erection, bobbing in front of his face. He leaned forward and nuzzled the head, then teased the weeping tip with his tongue. Alex bit back a sob and turned his face.

"Look at me, Lexei." Mulder waited, gently rubbing the backs of Alex's thighs, until the younger man obeyed. When their eyes finally met, Mulder's hands slid up to his ass, squeezing and caressing. "You always love to watch me suck you. Watch me." He leaned forward again, eyes still turned up to his lover's face, and circled the head of his cock with his tongue.

Reluctantly, Alex kept his eyes on Mulder. His lower lip trembled as the older man suckled the blunt head for a few moments, then released it, kissing the very tip.

"Fuck my mouth, baby."

Alex squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Do it."

"Fox, don't... please, no..."

"Yes."

Mulder opened his mouth and took the half of Alex's length inside. He tightened his grip on the younger man's ass, and pulled him forward. When Alex refused to move, Mulder pushed him back, then forward again. A few more encouraging pushes and pulls, and Alex could take no more. He began to move on his own, thrusting steadily, down Mulder's throat. He moaned softly, as he felt his body begin to tighten. The moans turned to frustrated whimpers, as Mulder released him and pushed him back. He brought his legs together and began to pull Alex toward him, again.

"Straddle my legs, then sit down."

Alex moved over Mulder and lowered himself onto his legs, sitting close to the other man's knees.

"No." Mulder gripped his hips and pulled him forward, as far as he could go. "Right here." He grasped both cocks together in one hand and squeezed. Alex's eyes fluttered, threatening to close. Mulder's other hand came in to play, now holding one cock in each and slowly stroking. "God, that's good," he whispered. "But your hand would feel better." He released his own cock and wrapped Alex's hand around it. The younger man's head fell back as he began an almost identical rhythm to that of his lover. Soft, impatient sounds emitted from his throat.

Mulder brought his free hand up to the back of Alex's head and pulled it down, until their foreheads were resting against each other. He reduced the pressure on Alex's cock, pulling a moan of protest from the other man.

"Slow it down, baby. Not yet, okay?"

"But I... I can't... I can't..."

"Breathe, Alex. Yes, you can. Come on... relax."

Alex drew a hard breath and released it. Then another.

"That's it," Mulder cooed. "That's good." He continued to feather Alex's cock with light strokes. "I ever tell you how absolutely gorgeous you are when you're turned on, like this?"

Alex closed his eyes and frowned.

"Your skin flushes and your eyes... God, baby, your eyes turn this incredible shade of green." He curled his fingers in the sable hair and gently pulled Alex's head away from his. As he did so, the heavy lids lifted halfway. He smiled up into forest-green eyes. "Just like that. Beautiful."

Alex's gaze skittered away and came to rest upon a stack of files on the floor, just to Mulder's left. He inhaled sharply as his lover regained his attention with a long, slow pull on his cock.

This time, Mulder held his eyes as he reached back, pulling one of the desk drawers open. He produced a tube of lubrication and released Alex long enough to squeeze some into his hand and apply it to his own cock. He patted Alex's ass with one hand. "Up." Alex obeyed, lifting himself enough for Mulder to position his cock. "Okay babe, it's all yours."

Alex sank down, wiggling just enough to help work his lover's cock into the tight muscle. Tiny whines escaped his compressed lips, when Mulder pushed upward, slowly burying inch after inch of his erection in his ass. When Alex was fully impaled, he ceased movement and turned tormented eyes to Mulder.

"It's okay," Mulder breathed. "I don't want to wait anymore, either." He began to move, prompting Alex to do the same. The younger man rose slightly, then lowered himself, groaning softly as he did. He repeated the action slowly, again and again.

Mulder slid down a fraction, in the chair, for a better angle. He knew he'd achieved it, when Alex's lips parted and a long, low growl pushed past them. His hips jerked upward, in search of confirmation. It came in the form of a loud, sobbing cry.

"That's the spot, huh baby?" he panted, executing the same move, over and over. Alex cried out in answer. Mulder wrapped his fingers around his lover's cock and began to slowly milk it. "I know... I know. It's time to come, now. Come with me, baby."

Gratefully, Alex rocked faster, feeling his orgasm build.

Mulder wound an arm tightly around Alex's waist and increased the speed of the hand, pumping his cock. "God... that's... oh... I love... love you, Lexei..."

Alex's eyes flew open, then dropped shut again, as he felt the sudden rush of tears. He buried his face in Mulder's shoulder and shuddered violently as he came. And cried.

Mulder thrust into Alex twice more and his own hoarse cries filled the room. He released his lover's quickly softening cock and brought his sticky hand up to join the other, around his waist. He rested his head against the one still burrowed into his shoulder.

Alex lay limply against Mulder's chest, intermittent shivers, still coursing through his body.

"Babe," Mulder whispered sleepily into his ear. "Come on, this is going to get uncomfortable for you. How about a nice warm shower, then we can go to bed?"

No response.

"Alex?" Mulder pushed him away a bit, just far enough to see his face. His eyes were closed and his eyelashes were spiked with moisture "Jesus Lexei, what's wrong?"

Alex lowered his head almost to his chest, and shook it back and forth.

Mulder was fully alert, now. "Talk to me, Lexei. Tell me what's wrong. Did I... did I do something? Did I..."

Alex looked up at Mulder, wide-eyed. "No," He choked in his rush to get the word out. "It's nothing you did. It's... it's nothing." He struggled to compose himself. "I'm okay. I'm... you didn't do anything..."

"I must have."

"No! Please, I'm all right. Just a little... a little overwhelmed, I guess."

Mulder searched his bloodshot eyes. "I don't believe you."

Alex again shook his head.

"Tell me, Alex."

"No. There's nothing..." Alex disengaged himself and got to his feet. "It's late. You're going to be tired in the morning."

"Don't change the subject."

"I'm not. There's just nothing to talk about. I'm okay, Fox. Please don't worry. I'm tired, I want to go to bed."

Mulder rose and took Alex's hand. "All right. Okay. Let's go have a quick shower first, then we can turn in."

Alex nodded and allowed Mulder to lead him into the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, they were in bed, Alex settled stiffly against Mulder's chest, being petted and caressed, as both men stared into the darkness.

Four days later

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. What did you do?"

"What do you mean, what did I do? I put the stuff in the bowl, like you said."

"All at once."

"Well... yeah. Why, shouldn't I have?"

Alex smiled and heaved a patient sigh. "No, you shouldn't have."

"But your instructions say..."

"Nevermind, Fox. It's okay." Alex took the bowl and dumped the contents down the dispenser. "Let's start over." He separated the ingredients into groups. "Now. Measure these out first. Mix them. Then throw this group in and mix that. Okay?"

"I don't get it. What difference does it make what order they go in?"

It just does. Are you going to do it?"

"Yeah, I said I'd help, and I will."

"Okay."

"You know, I forgot to ask Scully at work... is she still making lasagna?"

Alex answered, without turning from his potato salad. "As far as I know. When I talked to her yesterday, she said that she was going to."

"Shit."

Alex turned and smiled, as he watched Mulder pick bits of eggshell out of the bowl. He covered the potato salad, shoved it into the refrigerator, then walked up behind Mulder. "I'm done, Fox." His hands slid back and forth across the other man's shoulders. "I can take over, now."

"I'm screwing it up that badly?"

"No... well... yeah."

Mulder hooked his thumbs in the back pockets of his jeans and moved away from the counter. "Sorry. Instead of helping, I'm just making extra work for you."

"It's okay. I appreciate you wanting to help."

"Maybe I could just be your gopher."

Alex looked around. "Thanks, but... I think I've pretty much got everything I need, right here."

Mulder nodded, leaned against the counter and sighed. "I hate to just hang around here while you do all the work." He leered suggestively. "Not that I don't enjoy watching you do all the work..."

Alex made no more comment, than a soft laugh.

Mulder wandered over to the refrigerator and opened the door. "Want a beer?"

Alex glanced quickly over his shoulder. "No, thanks."

"Anything?"

"No."

Mulder pulled a Corona off the second shelf and a chunk of lime, from the Ziplock bag, beside the six-pack. He sat at the table, squeezing, then dropping the lime into the bottle. He watched his younger lover move confidently around the kitchen and smiled. Things hadn't been too bad in the last few days. He thought he'd finally figured out what things sent Alex off the deep end, and did his damndest to avoid them.

First, keep completely off the subject of last weekend. No questions, no references. He could do that. For a while, anyway. At least until he thought Alex was more himself.

Second, no overly sweet gestures or words. Those seemed to really throw Alex. It drove Mulder crazy not to tell him that he loved him. It wasn't too long after they'd become a couple, that Mulder discovered how demonstrative and verbal he could be about his feelings and he liked it. Now, he found himself having to alter those habits and it didn't thrill him a bit.

His smile started to fade. Maybe things weren't as okay as he'd talked himself into believing...

Third... and this was really killing him... sex. Alex gave it to him, whenever and however he wanted it, but did everything in his power to thwart Mulder's attempts to give him any pleasure. On that rare occasion when Mulder had managed to get past his defenses, Alex would afterward drop into a very quiet mood, bordering on depression.

Christ, this wasn't right. It couldn't go on, he couldn't let it. He couldn't allow Alex to go on punishing himself, but he was at a loss on how to stop him.

He refocused on Alex, who was just pouring the batter into the pans. When he got them into the oven, he picked one of the beaters up out of the bowl and licked it.

"Mmmm. This cake is going to be good." He held the beater out in offering. "Want some?"

Mulder shook his head quietly, as he took a long swallow of his beer.

Alex lifted the utensil again to his mouth. His tongue slithered from between the irresistibly bowed lips and traveled up the cool steel, taking with it, more of the thick mixture.

Mulder watched hungrily, each pass of that luscious tongue. His respiration grew erratic, as he imagined that it was his rapidly growing erection, that Alex was so blissfully licking.

When both beaters were clean, Alex dropped them into the sink. He then resorted to using his fingers, to swipe the remaining batter from the bowl.

Mulder watched his lover innocently enjoying the cake batter and wondered what he would do, if he knew the effect his actions were having on him.

Almost as his thoughts were completed, Alex looked up, two fingers in his mouth, and caught Mulder's eye. A year and a half with the man was more than sufficient for Alex to know exactly what that look in his eyes meant. He froze for a few seconds, then pulled his fingers from his mouth. His tongue inched out to lick away the speck of batter, at the corner of his mouth. He glanced down at the bowl, then up at Mulder. "You sure you don't want some?"

Mulder rose from his chair and started slowly, toward the man standing against the counter. "You make it look so good," he said softly, "maybe I'll have a little."

Alex dipped his fingers back into the bowl and held them up to Mulder's mouth, as the older man reached him.

Mulder wound his arms around Alex's waist, pressing the full length of their bodies together. He opened his mouth, inviting Alex to slip his fingers inside. His eyes closed as he very thoroughly, sucked every last bit of batter from his lover's fingers. When he finished, he drew away and opened his eyes, finding that Alex's eyes were now shut. Not for long, as the younger man sensed that his lover was staring at him.

A sliver of green appeared under the heavy lids, then more became visible and more, as Alex's interest in the activity to his lower right, grew.

Mulder dipped one finger into the bowl and brought it up to Alex's face. The younger man's eyes never left his, as his finger drew a line of batter down the soft cheek. Mulder pitched forward and slowly licked the sweet mixture away. He felt the muscle twitch in response and found himself wishing that he could be sure whether the reaction was good or bad. He backed away just a few inches and scooped up a bit more of the bowl's contents. His eyes flicked down to Alex's chest and his finger soon followed, distributing another line of batter there, from the base of his throat, down to the third open button of his shirt. A small grunt formed in the convulsing throat, as Mulder's tongue performed a sideways swipe, removing the batter, one tiny section at a time. When all traces were gone, Mulder lifted his head and met his lover's eyes.

"You're right," he whispered. "It is good." His finger rose again, more batter at the tip, and smeared it across Alex's lips. He repeated the same process, slowly licking the batter away, moaning softly as he did. "So, so good..."

Alex gripped the edge of the counter for support, sure that if he didn't, his increasingly shaky legs would not hold him up much longer. He fought to control the soft whimpers as they continued to escape past his lips, but to no avail. Control seemed to be slipping away quickly.

Alex's condition did not escape Mulder's notice. He moved in without hesitation, pressing his advantage. Both arms clamped around Alex's waist and he covered the younger man's lips with his own, muffling the tiny cries. One hand slipped downward, over the taut muscles of Alex's ass and pulled him into the hard warmth of his body.

"Do something for me Lexei," Mulder murmured against Alex's lips.

Alex's hands moved restlessly, up and down his lover's back. "What?"

"Fuck me."

Alex's hands stilled and Mulder could feel his body tense. He kissed the younger man's chin, moving to his throat, then rested his head upon his shoulder.

"Please? It's been so long since I've felt you inside me..."

"Fox... Fox, I..."

Mulder slid down, brushing every inch of Alex's body, along the way. He settled on his knees, before the younger man, and wrapped his arms around Alex's legs. He rested his cheek against the solid bulge in his lover's pants. "I need you, Lexei." He rubbed his face against Alex's crotch. "Please."

Alex ran a trembling hand through Fox's hair. "God, don't do this to me," he whispered in a barely audible voice.

Mulder reached for the top button of Alex's pants and released it. Next, he pulled the zipper down and slipped his hand inside the slitted fold of his underwear. Alex's hips jerked reflexively as his lover's fingers curled around his rock-hard erection and pulled it free of the material. He lapped at the small bead of fluid that appeared at the tip.

Alex gritted his teeth and held himself up against the counter with one hand, while the other clenched in Mulder's hair.

"Lexei..." Mulder continued to tease the head of his lover's cock. "Baby..."

Alex summoned every last bit of resolve that he had left and pulled away from Mulder's mouth. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply. As he exhaled, he opened his eyes, to find his lover still on his knees, looking up at him. Waiting.

"Please, get up."

Mulder stroked the back of Alex's thigh. "Why?"

"I j... I... don't you want to go into the bedroom?"

Mulder remained on his knees for a moment, then rose to his feet. He studied his lover closely.

"No."

Alex's eyes shifted to his face, then slipped quickly away. "So, what do you..."

"Nothing. Forget it."

Shit. Oh, damn.

He reached out, grazing Mulder's arm with his fingertips. "No... no, Fox. I'm sorry, I didn't... I want to, I just..."

"No, you don't," Mulder said softly.

"I do. Please don't look at me, like that." Alex grasped Mulder's hand and tugged. "Let's go..."

Mulder stood his ground, shaking his head. "It's okay, Alex. Nevermind."

"Nooo..." Alex stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Mulder. He rubbed his cheek against the older man's and pressed his body into the one that stood stiffly before him. "I want you, Fox." He nuzzled and kissed Mulder's throat. "You know I do."

"I don't know that, Alex. I saw hesitation all over your face, a minute ago. I don't want to push you into anything you don't want to do."

"You're not pushing. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, Fox. I'll do anything for you." Soft kisses rained over Mulder's face and neck. "Anything..."

"For me."

"Yes."

"Even if you don't want to."

"I told you, I do."

Mulder could see the spark of panic flickering in his eyes. He raised a hand to Alex's face, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Alex croaked, as he slowly leaned forward, tentatively touching his lips to the other man's. "I didn't..."

Mulder brushed his mouth back and forth against Alex's. "I know."

"I'm sorry, Fox..."

"It's okay..."

"I'm..."

Mulder covered Alex's mouth with his own, cutting him off in mid-sentence. If he heard one more 'I'm sorry', he believed he'd go mad.

Alex immersed himself in his lover's kiss, grateful that Fox wasn't angry with him and determined to do nothing to change that. His hands traveled up the front of Mulder's shirt and started undoing the buttons. The moment he got the last one unbuttoned, Mulder pulled the shirt off and started on his. When both men were naked from the waist up, Mulder moved quickly, ridding them both of the rest of their clothing. He led Alex over to the kitchen table and pushed him against it.

"Up."

Alex shot him a confused look. "But I thought you wanted..."

"I changed my mind." Mulder rubbed his hand up Alex's chest to his neck. He stopped halfway and closed his fingers around the younger man's throat, tightening them to the point of mild discomfort. "I want you on the table. Now."

Alex's cock twitched at the low, commanding tone in his lover's voice. He leaned back against the edge of the table and pushed himself onto the burnished oak. The coolness of the wood felt good against his heated skin. He waited quietly, trying to swallow past the light pressure on his throat.

Mulder uncurled his fingers and moved his hand away. Smoky hazel eyes never left glazed green, as he stepped forward and slipped both hands between Alex's knees. He pushed the younger man's legs apart and moved between them. His hands glided up and down the well-muscled thighs as he pitched forward then stopped, his lips just shy of Alex's. "Move forward," he rasped, the vibration of his words, tickling Alex's mouth.

Alex obeyed without delay, then stopped, unsure of how far Mulder wanted him to go.

Mulder leaned back far enough to keep their lips from touching. "A little more."

Alex slid forward again.

"That's good." Mulder ran a hand through Alex's hair and tilted his head back. "Now, lay back."

More soothing coolness spread over the length of Alex's back as he lay on the table. Mulder tucked his hand under his knees and lifted. Alex needed no instruction. He immediately wrapped his legs around Mulder's waist.

Mulder looked down at his lover, on his back, on their kitchen table. Eyelids half closed, the thick sable lashes shading glittering, forest green. His lips, so soft and inviting, parted to allow the heavy breaths an exit. Christ, he was fucking beautiful. And though Mulder knew that this was wrong, this... one-way encounter, he couldn't resist. He reached down and ran two fingers over the head of Alex's dripping cock, forcing himself to ignore the soft grunt, then brought the fingers to his own cock, combining Alex's fluids with his own. He spread the slickness over as much of the surface of his cock as he could, then guided it to his lover's ass.

Alex arched up off of the table as Mulder drove into him. His eyes flew open at the brief flash of pain, then settled back into their half-mast position, as pleasure quickly replaced the discomfort.

Mulder pumped relentlessly into his lover's body, repeatedly pulling Alex's ass hard, against his own hips. He tried to keep his eyes open. He wanted to be looking at his Lexei, when he came, but it was impossible. It was as if weights were attached to his eyelids and they slipped shut.

Alex scratched at the smooth wood, struggling to keep from wrapping his hand around his throbbing cock, as Mulder jerked his body back and forth across the table.

"Alex," Mulder moaned. "Oh, Jesus..."

Alex whimpered as his lover tightened his hold on his hips and slammed into him. The heavy table groaned in protest, then gave in to the force of Mulder's thrusts, sliding a fraction at a time, in a forward direction.

"It's... I'm... oh God, Alex... oh God..."

Mulder's harsh groans filled the kitchen as he emptied himself into his lover, then collapsed onto his chest.

Alex's legs fell away from Mulder's waist and hung over the side of the table. He lay rigidly beneath the weight of his exhausted lover, praying that Mulder would recover enough to move off of him. His still very erect cock was now trapped between their bodies and any second now, he was going to break...

As if he'd heard Alex's thoughts, Mulder lifted himself on weak arms, above the younger man. As he rose, Alex pulled himself up into a sitting position. Mulder glanced down at the other man's continued state of arousal and felt a knot tighten in his stomach. He raised weary eyes to his lover's face.

"Lexei..."

Alex moved slowly off of the table and picked up his pants. As he put them on, he spoke softly. There was definite pain behind the forced lightness in his tone.

"Why don't you go take a shower and go to bed? You look so tired."

"What about you?"

Alex buttoned and zippered his pants, then slipped his shirt on. "The cakes still has a few minutes to go. I'll clean up, take them out of the oven, then I'll be in." He walked up to Mulder and handed him his clothes. The two men stared quietly at each other for a moment. Alex was the first to break eye contact.

"Are you all right?" Mulder asked softly.

Alex nodded and gave him a trace of a smile.

"Alex..."

"I'm fine. Better, now that we're okay?"

Mulder's gaze fell away from Alex's for a moment, but rose up again, quickly.

Okay? Jesus Christ, how can we be okay, when you're not okay?

He nodded and slid one arm around Alex, pulling him close.

"You won't be too long?"

"No."

Mulder kissed the side of Alex's head and released him. He exited the kitchen, leaving the younger man standing alone, by the table that was now, going to need a thorough cleaning. Alex moved slowly, taking care of the table and the rest of the kitchen. When the cake was done, he removed the pans from the oven, covered them and retreated to the bathroom. Five minutes later, he was shivering under an icy cold spray.

Stupid, fuck. You almost blew it, this time. You could have pushed him away for good. You're so fucking lucky, you know that? Not that you deserve to have any luck...

His erection subsided and shrank but it wasn't until almost ten minutes after that, that Mulder's voice startled him into shutting the water off. He stepped out of the shower and quickly wrapped a towel around his waist. Mulder stood in the doorway, staring at him.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now."

"I'll go to sleep when you come to bed," came the soft reply.

"Just let me brush my teeth and I'll be right there."

Mulder glanced around the bathroom, frowning, then looked back to Alex. "Okay." He turned from the doorway and headed back to the bedroom. He slipped under the sheet and propped himself up against the pillows.

No humidity. Clear mirror.

Alex had taken a cold shower.

Mulder had given some thought to the fact that Alex may have been relieving himself afterward, but that thought, little comfort that it was, just got tossed right out the window.

Jesus Christ, Lexei... what do I do? How do I get through to you?

As Mulder contemplated this new revelation, Alex moved silently into the dark room. He felt the gentle depression of the mattress and Alex slide over beside him.

"I hope the cake didn't fall."

"Just a little bit. Nothing that can't be camouflaged."

Mulder turned his head in Alex's direction and studied his lover's profile. "Alex."

"Hmm?"

He opened his mouth but no sound would come out.

Alex looked over at him. "What is it?"

Mulder closed his mouth and sighed heavily.

The younger man pressed himself against Mulder's side, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting his head against his shoulder. A sliver of fear tightened his chest. "Fox?"

Mulder brought a hand up to Alex's back and stroked it's length. "Nothing, Lexei. I just... I..." He couldn't stop the words. Couldn't stop hoping that sooner or later, they'd really sink in and mean to Alex, what they used to. "I love you."

Alex made a conscious effort to keep his muscles relaxed. He closed his eyes, turning his face into Mulder's chest. He nuzzled the light sprinkling of hair, then kissed the warm skin. "I love you."

Sensing Alex's struggle, Mulder's hand began to move in firm circles, across his back and shoulders, soothing and massaging the taut muscles.

To his surprise, Alex found himself relaxing under Fox's loving caress. Soon, a calm blackness surrounded him and he dropped heavily, into unconsciousness.

Mulder opened his eyes and glanced around. Pale light filtered in through the blinds of his office window, making it somewhat easier to read the clock on his desk.

Ten forty-two.

Holy shit.

Alex blinked and sat up. His hand automatically went to the vacant spot beside him. Cold. Fox had been up for a while.

He slipped out of bed and headed into the bathroom. Still, no Fox. He shrugged off his lover's absence, assuming that he was simply somewhere else in the house, and turned on the shower.

Twenty minutes later, Alex swung the kitchen door open and glanced around. Everything was in its place, except for the note on the table. He walked over and looked down at the hastily scribbled message.

'Babe,
Got a call about the murder case. Should only be a couple of hours.
Love you,
F'

Alex drummed his fingers on the oak as he thought.

Okay. A couple of hours usually means, three or four. So, I guess I'd better start preparing, earlier.

He threw the note away and, grabbing a Pop Tart, went to work.

Alex covered the soda and beer with ice and closed the cooler lid. He looked down at his watch.

Three twenty-two and he hadn't so much as received a phone call from Fox. He'd thought of calling the cell, but Fox had left without it, this morning. Alex found it on the seat cushion of the sofa, while he was straightening up.

Come on Fox, call. I'm getting worried.

Worried for his lover's safety and worried about the fact that their guests would be arriving soon. And knowing Skinner's penchant for punctuality, he'd be the first to arrive.

Oh, that'd be interesting. Me and Skinner, alone. Can we say, uncomfortable?"

He walked the perimeter of the yard, insuring that all of the citronella torches were full, when he heard the phone ringing in the house. He broke into a sprint, and entering the house, snatched the phone up from the coffee table.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"God, Fox." He took a deep breath and released it. "I was getting worried."

"I know, I figured you would be. I forgot my cell phone at home."

"Yeah, I found it on the couch. You okay?"

"Fine. This just ran way longer than I thought it would. There was so much information to check and double check. I'll be home in a little while."

"Okay. Everything's ready."

"Thanks, babe. I'm really sorry..."

"It's fine. Just drive carefully and I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

Alex hung up and breathed a sigh of relief. He walked into the kitchen to make some last minute checks.

The ringing doorbell just about scared Alex out of his skin. He checked his watch as he walked to the door.

Five thirty-one.

Shit, shit, shit. It's him, I just know it's him...

Alex took a deep breath and opened the door.

Walter Skinner stood on the other side of the threshold, holding a bottle of... something, and glaring at the man who'd just opened the door.

"Krycek."

How the hell does he do that? His jaw never moves...

Alex nodded his greeting and stepped aside, allowing the man to enter.

Skinner brushed past him, looking around. "Where's Mulder?"

Heavy sigh. "He's not here."

Skinner spun on his heel. His eyes narrowed on the younger man. "Where is he?"

"Actually, he should have been home by now. He left the house this morning on some call about that serial murder case and hasn't come back, yet."

"Have you heard from him?"

"Yeah. Two hours ago, he said he'd be here, soon..."

Skinner scowled, and took another look around. "Have you tried calling him?"

"Can't. He forgot his cell phone."

"Great," the older man mumbled under his breath. He turned piercing eyes back on Alex. "Scully here?"

"Nobody is here, yet..."

Skinner jerked his head away.

"But I'm sure somebody'll show up, soon." Please, somebody show up, soon... "Uh... you want a beer or something?"

"No."

Afraid I'll poison you?

"Well, you wanna," Alex waved his hand between Skinner and the direction of the yard, "follow me out to the patio? Have a seat?"

Skinner hesitated for a moment, weighing his options. Follow the son of a bitch, or turn around and leave. His upper lip twitched as he considered Mulder. The man was an agent of the FBI, under his direction, but they'd been through far more shit together than most bosses and employees, and they'd developed a bond of friendship as a result.

He remembered the day Mulder had shown up on his doorstep to talk. An unexplainable feeling of dread settled over him as he invited his agent in. He recalled having the need to sit down, as Mulder revealed his purpose for being there. He sat quietly, allowing Mulder to say everything he had to say. When Mulder had finished, he remained silent. The other man had just dropped a bombshell in his lap and he was torn between his duty as Assistant Director and his feelings as a friend. Friendship won out, though Mulder's choice of a partner disturbed him beyond words. Alex Krycek was the last name in the world that Skinner would ever have expected to come out of Mulder's mouth, but come out, it did.

After the initial shock, Skinner composed himself and confronted Mulder's admission. He pulled no punches with his friend, explaining that he would never like or trust Krycek, but if he was Mulder's choice, then somehow, he'd come to terms with it.

Well, it'd taken over a year and a half, but here it was. It was time. He'd come this far. If he turned back now, he had no doubt it would adversely affect his friendship with Mulder and he didn't want that. He raked a critical eye over the young man standing at a safe distance.

Krycek cleaned up good, he admitted grudgingly to himself. The bastard apparently still had a thing for black, though. Black pleated pants, black silk shirt, tucked neatly inside. His eyes flicked up to Alex's face. The silver hoop in his ear stood out against the tanned skin, as did the green of his eyes. Skinner fought back the sudden urge to beat the shit out of him. Instead, he waved Alex on, following the younger man out to the patio. He took a seat and handed Alex the bottle of wine.

"I'll go put this on ice," Alex said, grateful for the chance to get away, if even for a minute.

"Come on Fox, come on... please..." he muttered to himself, as he dumped the bottle and some ice into a bucket. He walked slowly back to the yard, hoping, praying that the front door would open before he got there.

No damn such luck.

Alex dropped into the farthest chair from Skinner's, nervously drumming his fingers on the table. Skinner was the first to speak.

"Nice place."

"Thanks."

A short stretch of silence.

"Thanks for coming."

Skinner shrugged. "I like Langly and the guys. And I'm here for Mulder."

"I know. It means a lot to him."

Skinner's eyes narrowed. He wondered if he'd just imagined the softness in Krycek's tone as he spoke of Mulder.

"Do you really care?"

Alex looked up at him. "Of course, I do."

Skinner gave a barely perceptible nod. He scanned the yard, then his eyes fell back on Alex. "You look as though you've adjusted well to civilized living."

Alex waited a number of seconds then, "But?"

"Is there a but?"

"Seems like you've got something more to say."

Skinner sat back in the chair and folded his hands in his lap. "I'm just wondering."

"About?"

"Is it really possible for a hired thug... a cold blooded killer, to completely turn his life around in the course of a couple of years?"

Alex dropped his gaze to the table and said nothing.

"I'm going to say this once, Krycek, then I'll never say it again..."

Alex looked up, noting the deadly serious tone of his voice.

"You ever pull anything dirty and I promise you, there won't be anyplace in the world that you can hide."

Just as Skinner finished his threat, the doorbell rang. Alex rose from his seat and left the patio without excusing himself. He went to the door and swung it open. Scully stood on the other side, with Frohike, Langly and Byers behind her.

"Hey!" She shoved the promised lasagna at him and strode in. The three men followed closely behind her.

"Hi, Scully." Alex nodded at the men behind her. "Guys." Then to the scrawny blonde. "Happy birthday, Langly."

"Yeah." Langly inched closer to Frohike, who eased closer to Scully. "Uh, thanks."

Byers surveyed the room. "Where's Mulder?"

"He's not here."

Scully raised one red eyebrow. "Not here?"

Alex explained the situation.

"Well, no wonder you don't look too happy," Scully said. "I believe I'd be a little ticked off, myself."

"I'm not mad. I'm a little worried..."

"Let's give him a little longer. Then I'll go looking for him."

"How about you tell me where to look, and you can stay and entertain Skinner."

"Is... he's here?"

Alex nodded.

Scully pointed in the direction of the patio. "Out there?"

Another nod.

"How long?"

"Twenty two minutes, fifteen and a quarter seconds."

"That had to be uncomfortable."

"Just a little."

"Okay well, fellas? Why don't you just mosey out to the patio? We'll be out there in a minute."

As soon as the trio was gone, Scully turned her attention to Alex. "You've been here alone with Skinner for almost half an hour? You have got to be furious with Mulder."

Alex turned toward the kitchen with Scully close on his heels. "He's doing his job, Scully."

"Come on, Alex. You know and I know, that it probably isn't anything that couldn't wait till Monday. Tomorrow, even. But he gets engrossed in something, and everything else fades into the background."

Alex remained silent, as he placed the lasagna in the oven to warm it.

"What did Skinner have to say?"

"Nothing."

"You sat in silence for over twenty minutes?"

"Not completely."

"It's that not completely that's got me worried. What'd he say?"

Alex shrugged. "He just made a couple of observations... gave me a little advice..."

"Advice... Alex, what did he say?"

"He's a good friend to Fox. I appreciate that."

Realizing that an attempt to get any more information out of Alex would be futile, Scully changed the subject.

"So... I've starved myself all day for this. What do you say we get some of this food out there?"

"Sure. We can't keep everyone waiting forever, can we?"

Scully laid a sympathetic hand on Alex's arm. "He's okay. I'm sure he'll be walking in, any minute."

Any minute turned into five, then fifteen, then twenty. Five of the people seated around the table made light conversation, while they ate. The sixth sat quietly, moving his food around on his plate, glancing from time to time, into the living room. Scully sympathized with Alex's mood, not to mention his discomfort, and repeatedly attempted in draw him into the conversation, but had limited success in pulling many responses from him.

The sound of the front door being opened a few moments later, drew everyone's attention. Mulder walked through the living room and out to the patio, looking very much like a little boy, in big trouble.

"Hi everybody. Sorry I wasn't home when you got here. Time really got away from me."

"Mulder, where the heck have you been?" Scully demanded, from her seat next to Alex.

"I think I've got some new information in this serial murder case, but we can talk about that, later." He reached out and slapped Langly on the back. "Happy birthday, Langly."

"Thanks, dude."

Mulder smiled at his friend, then nodded in Skinner's direction. "I'm glad to see you could make it."

Skinner nodded back. "Of course, I'll expect a report on my desk on Monday."

"Right." Mulder glanced over at Alex. He grimaced, noting the expression that his lover was trying hard to mask. He moved to Alex's side and cautiously squatted beside his chair. "I'm sorry Lexei," he began, oblivious to the look of disgust on Skinner's face, at hearing the endearment. "After I called you, I ran into the detective in charge of the case and we started talking and..."

"It's okay," Alex interrupted softly.

"I can't blame you for being upset."

"I'm not," the other man protested not so convincingly. "I was just worried about you."

Mulder placed a hand on Alex thigh and stroked lightly. "I'm sorry," he mouthed.

Alex gave him a slight nod and a weak smile.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"

Another nod.

As he rose, Mulder cupped the back of Alex's head and pressed his lips to his forehead. He then turned to the rest of the group, who were doing their best to ignore the little scene. "I'm gonna go grab a quick shower. I'll be back in a few."

Once he was gone, Scully attempted to fill the silence that had descended on the patio.

"I almost forgot, Alex. I talked to my mother this morning and she told me to remind you about your lunch date, next week."

For the first time so far that evening, Scully saw a tiny flash of happiness in Alex's eyes.

"I haven't forgotten."

After her initial disappointment in finding out that Mulder would never be her son-in-law, Margaret Scully met and took an immediate liking to Alex. With both of her sons so far away, she'd sort of informally adopted Mulder, and now Alex.

Alex was a bit apprehensive at first. He hadn't had a mother figure in his life for a good twenty years or so, but Margaret's easy-going manner and doting concern, won him over, quickly.

Margaret immediately saw past and worked her way around the young man's defenses. She reached inside, seeing into his heart as only Fox had been able to do, and she knew not the Alex Krycek that he'd presented to the world, but the real man. The one who wanted to be trusted and loved and who wanted so desperately to trust and love in return.

"Tell her I'll give her a call on Monday, okay?"

"Will do."

The other men listened to the conversation, dumbfounded. Alex glanced around, noting the looks on the four faces and quickly lowered his head.

"I'll um... I'll go check and see if that lasagna is warm enough, yet."

Alex slid his chair back and quietly entered the house.

Frohike was first to speak his mind.

"You let your mother have lunch alone with him?"

Scully jumped to Alex's defense. "And why not?"

"Because!"

"Good reason, Frohike. Look, Alex happens to be very close to my mother. She treats him like a son... just like she does, Mulder."

"Mulder, yeah... but him?"

"My mother happens to think that Alex is very sweet."

Skinner muttered from his seat at the far end of the table. "Yeah, sweet like a cobra."

"That's not true. You guys really need to cut him some slack, you know? He's had a rough few days. Can't you please just be nice?"

Langly spoke up. "So, what is up with Boris? I did notice that he doesn't really seem to be himself."

"Yeah," Byers concurred. "He hasn't tried to scare either of these guys, since we got here."

"Alex does that in fun, because he knows that Frohike and Langly are afraid of him. If they would just treat him like a regular person instead of some kind of evil, butcher knife wielding lunatic, they'd find him to be quite normal and very likeable."

Langly repeated his question. "So why's he so quiet?"

"I told you, he's had a rough few days. He'll be fine."

"Well, I just wanted to know... you know what they say about quiet people. What if he suddenly snaps? Mulder could come back out here and find us all drowning in our own blood."

"For God's sake, Langly. Don't you ever have times when you're not quite up to par?"

"Yeah..."

"So, why can't Alex? He's fine. Just be a little more sociable, would you? You are in his house.."

"Mulder's house."

"Mulder and Alex's house. I don't know what gives you guys the idea..."

"I'm back." Mulder spoke purposefully, making all aware that he knew what was being discussed. He looked around. "Where's Alex?"

Scully nodded in his direction. "He's checking on the lasagna."

Mulder nodded and pushed away from the doorframe. "Thanks, Scully." He spun in the other direction and headed off toward the kitchen.

Alex stood at the counter, staring down into the lasagna. His right hand closed loosely on the handle of the knife, tracing the perimeter of the pan. Through the thick veil of his lashes, he saw movement. Though the figure was blurred, he had no trouble recognizing it as his lover. Mulder's presence had a feel all its own and Alex knew it well. He stopped his repetitious action and began to cut into the lasagna. He looked up, giving Mulder the brightest smile he could manage.

"Smells good, huh?"

Mulder approached slowly, and stopped Alex's hand. With his hand firmly encircling the younger man's wrist, he removed the knife and placed it down on the counter.

Alex's eyes rose to meet Mulder's gold-splashed stare.

"If you're upset with me Alex, say so."

Alex's eyes fell away from his face. "I t... I told you that I wasn't. I was just really worried about you. You could have been in an accident or shot or..."

Mulder broke in. "Or insensitive, or unthinking, or..."

Alex shook his head.

"Who got here, first?"

Alex's voice dropped to near zero volume. "Skinner."

"How long was he here, before Scully arrived?"

"A little over twenty minutes."

"Bet it seemed like an eternity."

Alex shrugged.

"Look, Alex, I know Skinner, and I know he came here with no intentions to become your best buddy. I'm sure that spending twenty minutes with him wasn't the most fun you've ever had. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, alone. I should have been here."

"Fox, this case is important. If you can stop this nut before he kills again..."

"I could have had that stuff faxed to me. Or at the very least, gone out there, gathered the information, come home, and worked on it, here. That's where the case is. All that talking I did with investigators, will have no real bearing."

"You didn't know that until you talked to them."

"Still..."

Alex rubbed Mulder's forearm. "It's okay," he said, forcing the cheeriness into his voice. "I'm just happy you're home."

"You didn't look the least bit happy when I walked out onto the patio a little while ago."

Alex spun away from the older man, startling him. "What do you want from me, Fox? Do you want me yell at you and throw a tantrum? Would you feel better, then?"

Mulder's voice raised a bit. "Maybe I would, yeah! Then I'd know that you were alive!"

Alex paused for two beats, then turned around to face Mulder. He took a step forward and laid both hands on the other man's chest, stroking erratically, with one. "I'm sorry, Fox..."

Mulder rolled his eyes up and closed his lids over them. His jaw clenched and unclenched.

"I didn't mean to snap at you..."

"Alex..."

"Don't be mad at me..."

Mulder raised his hands to Alex's back and pulled him into a gentle embrace. "I'm not mad at you," he said, trying to reassure his panicked lover.

How the hell did this get turned around? I should be worried about him being mad...

Alex buried his face into the side of Mulder's neck and held on to him, tightly.

"It's okay Lexei," Mulder whispered into his hair. "I'm not mad, really. "It's okay." He held Alex for a while longer, then pushed him away, not quite as gently as he'd intended to. "Come on, now. Let's get back outside. They're going to be wondering what happened to us."

Mulder caught the wounded expression as Alex nodded and turned to cut the lasagna. He moved up behind him and draped an arm across his chest. He kissed the back of the younger man's neck.

"Hey."

"What?"

"Did I tell you how handsome you look tonight?"

Alex rubbed his head against Mulder's cheek, but gave no answer.

"Did you wear this for me?"

"I know you like black..."

"I like black when you're in it." He cupped Alex's cheek and turned him into a long, sweet kiss.

The knife clattered to the tiled counter and Alex turned to face his lover, their mouths never losing contact. Alex wrapped his arms around Mulder's neck and the older man deepened the kiss.

Alex's body screamed at him. To push it farther. To stop it. To drop to his knees and pull Fox's zipper down...

"Oh God, get a room, would you?"

Both men broke off the kiss simultaneously and looked toward the door. Scully leaned against the frame, grinning. "I just came out to make sure you weren't killing each other. I should have known better."

"Sorry Scully," Mulder looked back to Alex, drawing his fingertips down his cheek. "He's just so damn hard to resist."

Alex's eyes closed momentarily, then the heavy lashes lifted. "We uh... should get out there."

Mulder nodded, still holding his lover's eyes with his own.

Scully rolled her eyes and stepped forward. She picked the abandoned knife up and finished cutting the lasagna. "Okay, let's go." She picked up the pan and bustled out of the room.

Mulder took Alex by the hand and led him through the doors, after Scully.

"We were kinda finding it hard to believe that you got lost in your own house, Mulder."

"Yeah Frohike, okay..."

Scully set the pan down and started to serve. Alex took the seat he'd had, next to Scully's, and Mulder took the seat next to his, pulling the chair over until the arms touched. He interwove his fingers with Alex's and pulled the younger man's hand up to his mouth for a kiss. And another.

"This is a nice place, Mulder."

"Huh?"

The impatient baritone sounded again. "Very nice house. Very tastefully decorated."

"Thanks." Mulder's eyes left Alex's and came to rest on Skinner. They sparkled with pride. "Alex did a good portion of the work and he picked out all the furniture and whatnot."

Skinner pressed his lips together and fell silent.

Wonderful. The Martha Stewart of the underworld...

For the next half hour, the small group ate and talked, laughing at the occasional joke or comment. Even Skinner seemed in better humor, cracking the rare smile. Alex stayed close to Mulder, quiet, reserved, speaking only when spoken to, then retreating back into himself.

When it started to rain not long after they'd finished eating, everyone ran for cover. Scully insisted that Mulder stay in the living room with the others, while she helped Alex get everything put away in the kitchen.

"Everything okay?" she asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. With you and Mulder. Things sure seemed okay when I walked in on you earlier..."

"Everything's fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." Alex began putting all the food away, while Scully stacked the dishwasher. She closed the door and turned the appliance on, then stood watching as Alex shoved the last of the leftovers into the refrigerator. She wasn't sure she believed him, but what could she do? It was pointless to push him. Nobody put up walls faster than Alex... except maybe Mulder. She made a mental note to time them one day and compare.

When they finished, Scully led the way back into the living room, where she took a seat between Byers and Langly on one of the two sofas. Skinner and Frohike sat diagonally from the facing sofas and across from each other, in single wingbacks. Alex sank to the floor, beside Mulder, who was seated on the other sofa. He leaned into the older man's leg, seeking the comfort of contact. Sensing Alex's need, Mulder combed a hand through his lover's hair. Listened to the soft purring sound that his action triggered and wished suddenly that they were alone.

"I feel like playing Monopoly," Scully blurted out, interrupting a conversation between Skinner and Byers. Skinner snapped his head around.

"Where'd that come from?"

Scully shrugged. "I just feel like playing Monopoly. Who's up for it?"

"Oooh! I haven't played that in years!" Frohike waggled his bushy eyebrows at Scully. Wanna play in teams, Scully? I'll be your partner..."

"I never was very good at it, but I'll be the banker," Byers volunteered. "Keep you all honest..."

Langly leaned forward. "Are you insinuating they we're cheaters?"

Byers pitched forward in his seat as well, meeting the other man's eyes. "Some of you are, yes."

Frohike jumped in. "Listen, narc..."

Mulder watched the argument, an amused smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth.

"Settle down fellas," Skinner mumbled. "I'm in. Mulder?"

Mulder shrugged, still petting the sable head by his leg. "I guess." He leaned close to Alex's ear. "Lexei?"

The younger man looked up at him. Damn, his eyes were that shade of green again, and his mouth... his mouth was only inches away...

"Okay."

"I'll get it." Scully popped out of her chair and moved off in the direction of the hall closet.

Mulder moved in closer, whispering softly. "Let's kick their asses and get em the hell out of here."

The close proximity of his lover's mouth, tempted Alex to tilt his head up for a kiss, but he quickly checked himself. As he backed off a fraction, Mulder's hand at the back of head, stopped him. He looked up into the other man's eyes, seeing something that couldn't exactly be classified as anger, but some emotion close to it. The hand pulled him back and Mulder's lips tenderly covered his, catching him by surprise.

Just as the younger man began to melt into the kiss, Mulder pulled away just long enough to tip his head from left to right and cover his lips once again.

His point. To the occupants of the room and the man he was kissing... Alex was his. And he had no intention of ignoring or hiding that fact. And the people in his life had better recognize and accept that.

Mulder finally broke the kiss, leaving Alex flushed and just a bit out of breath. He gave his lover another brief, chastising look and slid down to the floor beside him. The younger man pushed over until their legs touched, then rested his head on Mulder's shoulder.

Seemingly satisfied, Mulder laid his hand against Alex's face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. He scattered a number of kisses in the dark hair.

Scully returned with the game, startling the other men out of their fascinated observance of the scene. She placed the box down on the coffee table and began to set up the board. "Okay you losers," she sang, "prepare to get beaten like you've never been beaten before."

Byers picked up the money and began distributing the proper amount to each team. "You're pretty confident."

"Melissa and I used to beat the pants off of my brothers when we were kids."

Mulder smirked at her. "Yeah well, that was a long time ago and we're not you brothers."

"You're still gonna lose."

"Okay. We might have showed you some mercy, but since you want to be arrogant about it..."

Half an hour into the game, an argument broke out between Frohike and Langly.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going? You can't get out of jail, yet."

"Sure I can. This is my third try. On your third try, you can pay your money and get out."

"This is only your second."

"It is not! If you'd pay attention to the game and stop trying to smell Scully's hair, you'd know that."

Mulder covered his eyes and laid his head back against the seat cushion of the sofa. "I need a drink."

Alex rubbed the older man's thigh. "I'll get you something. What do you want?"

Mulder opened his eyes and squinted up at Alex. "Uh... vodka and orange?"

Alex nodded and hoisted himself to his feet. "Anybody want anything to drink?" After he memorized all the requests, he disappeared into the kitchen and came back sometime later, with a large tray full of various drinks and a big bowl of Doritos. As he was setting the bowl down, he noticed Mulder, rolling his head back and forth, across his shoulders. Alex set the emptied tray aside and sat on the sofa, directly behind his lover. He swung one long leg over Mulder's head so that the older man now sat between his legs.

Mulder's eyes dropped shut and a long sigh escaped his lips, as he felt Alex's warm hands begin to rub and caress his shoulders and upper back, making the occasional foray up the back of his neck, to ruffle the golden-brown hair and massage his scalp.

As the game resumed, Alex worked slowly and silently, loosening his lover's knotted muscles. When he felt Mulder completely relax, he ceased his ministrations and leaned in to murmur in his ear.

"Better?"

Mulder tipped his head back to meet his lover's eye. "Better."

Just as their lips touched, that irritated baritone interrupted.

"Come on Mulder, it's you turn."

Mulder took the time to plant another brief kiss on Alex's mouth, before turning his attention back to the game. When he had finished moving their piece around the board, Alex wrapped his arms loosely around his chest and shoulders and rubbed his face against the lightly stubbled one to his right.

Mulder reached up, raking his fingers through his lover's hair, again and again. He smiled as he felt Alex's lips, soft and moist against his cheek, skimming the line of his jaw... teasing his ear. The urge to throw Alex onto his back and do him right there on the sofa was strong, but Mulder kept his guests in mind and managed to suppress his desire.

Despite the distraction, Skinner and Langly won, prompting another argument between Langly and Frohike.

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself, cheating at Monopoly?"

"You're calling us cheaters?"

"No, I'm calling you a cheater. How else do you explain it?"

"Uh... you suck?"

"Kiss off, hippie jerk." Frohike nodded in the direction of the other two men. "What about them? You beat them, too!" He singled Alex out. "As ruthless as he is, you had to have cheated..."

Frohike meant nothing insulting by the remark, but Mulder could feel the slight sag of Alex's body, behind him. He moved up to the sofa and wound an arm around Alex's waist, pulling the younger man back against him.

"Okay, okay," Scully jumped in. "I'm as shocked as anybody that I didn't win, but hey. That's life. Come on you guys, it's late. Let's get out of here."

After the game was put away and everyone was supplied with a doggie bag, the guests began to file out the door.

"Thanks for the party," Langly directed his conversation mostly at Mulder, only occasionally sending Alex a brief glance.

"You're welcome. See you soon."

Scully gave both men a hug and stepped back. "Thanks guys. See you later."

Alex nodded. "Thanks for cooking, Scully. The lasagna was excellent."

"How would you know?"

The others said their good-byes and left, leaving Skinner standing with the two men at the door. Mulder spoke.

"I hope this isn't the first and last time you visit."

Skinner opened his mouth, then closed it again. He glanced at Alex, looked back at Mulder, then spoke. "I'm uh... sorry it took me so long to get here."

Not exactly a direct answer, but it wasn't a negative response, either.

Mulder nodded. "See you Monday."

Skinner turned narrowed eyes on Alex once more and nodded. "Krycek."

"Goodnight," Alex replied softly.

Skinner walked away and Alex closed the front door. He was immediately spun around and slammed up against it. Before he could take a breath, his lover's lips came down, hard and insistent on his.

"I've been waiting all night to get my hands on you," Mulder growled into Alex's mouth as he practically ripped the younger man's shirt open.

Alex writhed against him, returning his kisses with equal passion. "I know. I could feel it every time you touched me. Let me relieve some of that tension for you..."

"Alex..."

Alex moved away from his lips, nipping his way down his throat. He cupped the older man's ass and pulled him forward, grinding their erections together. "Let me..."

"Let's go to bed, Lexei..."

"You want to wait that long?" Alex turned them both around, reversing their positions. Mulder sagged against the door and moaned as his lover ran a hand down his chest and let it rest on his crotch. "You're so hard, Fox. Have you been this hard all night?"

Mulder grimaced and nodded.

Alex unbuckled Mulder's belt, then undid his pants, sliding them down to the floor. He stroked the older man through his underwear. "A little better but not perfect, is it?" Not waiting for an answer, he pulled the boxer-briefs down, releasing his lover's throbbing erection. He touched the glistening tip with one finger, then brought it up to his lips.

Mulder watched entranced, as Alex closed his eyes and licked the bead of moisture away. As soon as the younger man's finger left his mouth, Mulder took its place, drawing Alex into another hard kiss. One hand made its way down to Alex's pants but was immediately stopped before it could undo the button.

"I want to undress you, Lexei..."

Alex gave no answer. He simply slid to his knees and engulfed the head of Mulder's cock in his mouth. Mulder's head fell back against the door and a quick gasp escaped his lips.

"Lexei... don't... wait... wait, please... don't... aww, shit!"

His thoughts jumbled and his words slurred into unintelligible sounds of pleasure as Alex sucked him completely into his mouth, then withdrew slowly.

When again, only the head remained in his mouth, Alex swirled his tongue around it, then gently probed the small opening. The low, feral moans coming from above his head, told Alex that Fox was past the point of argument. He relaxed his throat and swallowed his lover's cock, to the base.

Mulder cried out, arching into Alex's mouth. One hand gripped the doorknob behind him and the other clenched in the sable hair as he struggled to maintain his balance.

Alex sucked harder, drawing louder moans from his lover. He brought one hand around to the front, fondling the heavy sac that hung below Mulder's cock and at the same time, gauging just how close the older man was to orgasm.

Mulder was very close as it turned out, and from his frenzied movements and heavy respiration, Alex determined that it was time to take him all the way.

Mulder's rumbling sobs echoed through the otherwise silent house, as his orgasm hit. Alex sucked him dry, then lovingly cleaned him with his tongue as the older man leaned trembling, against the door. When he was finished, he rose to his feet and met Mulder's eyes, which were just beginning to open.

The two men stood staring, reading each other, then Mulder's eyes fell away and he bent to pull up his pants. When he straightened, he looked back at Alex, who frowned at the expression that now filled his lover's eyes.

"If this is the way it's going to be," Mulder began softly, "don't touch me again."

For a moment, Alex could do little more than watch, stunned, as Mulder moved past him and out of the room. Eventually, he regained enough composure to turn off the lights and follow the older man into the bedroom. He arrived in the empty room, then heard the shower go on. He seated himself at the edge of the bed and waited until Mulder emerged from the bathroom, clad in a pair of black boxer-briefs and matching tank. Alex watched as the older man moved silently to the closet, withdrawing two pillows and a light blanket.

"What are you doing?" he croaked, almost afraid to ask.

"I'm going to sleep in the office." Mulder did not meet Alex's eye as he walked past the bed and out of the room.

Alex's head began to spin.

No. No.

He followed Mulder down the hall and into the office.

"Fox. Don't. Don't do this. Please? Come to bed."

"I can't, Alex. I'm tired." He dropped the pillows onto the sofa, then spread the blanket. "I'm tired of this." He looked up, into frightened green eyes. The sight ripped into his heart, but he continued. He had to. "I want my Alex back. All of him. Not just the bits and pieces that you see fit to dole out. Until I can have all of you, the way you were..." He shook his head and sat down at the edge of the sofa.

Alex approached and dropped to his knees. He moved to wrap his arms around his angry lover. "I'm sorry, Fox."

Mulder grasped Alex's upper arms and firmly pulled him away. "Go to bed, Alex."

Hurt joined fear. "I can't... I can't go to bed without you. I can't go to sleep, knowing that you're in here..."

"Try."

"Fox, please. I'll do anything you want..."

Mulder emitted a short, harsh laugh. "You don't get that part, do you, Alex? Doing what I want, won't make me happy. Our relationship used to be give and take. Now, it's only one-sided. Everything I want. Whatever I want. What about what you want? I can't stand the way you're punishing yourself. I told you and I told you... apparently my word doesn't mean jack shit, because you're still doing it. Well, I've had it. You know, I'm used to having my words fall on deaf ears. Very few people believe or even care about what I have to say, but I thought you were different.."

"I s-sorry, Fox... I'm..."

"You know," Mulder rasped, "if you say that one more time, I do believe I'll beat you."

Alex flinched as though he had been slapped. He stared wide-eyed at Fox, not knowing what to do.

Mulder swung his legs onto the sofa and flipped the blanket over himself. He turned onto his side, facing away from Alex. "Go to bed."

Alex hesitated for a moment, then slowly got to his feet. He moved to the door, then paused once more.

"Fox."

No response.

A light glaze covered one eye as Alex looked at the motionless form on the sofa. Seeing no other choice, he moved away from the door and down the hall, toward the bedroom.

Eight seventeen

Mulder lay awake, as he had been since last night.

The dull ache in his chest would not let him sleep. He'd never intentionally slept apart from Alex. The knowledge that his lover was lying alone and miserable in the bedroom, gnawed a hole straight through him.

Mulder rubbed his eyes, wincing at the burning, sandy feel.

It was Sunday. He probably should stay where he was and try to get a few hours sleep, but as long as things between him and Alex remained like this, he knew that sleep would be damn near impossible.

He flipped the blanket off and headed for the closed door. The moment he turned the knob and stepped out into the hall, the tempting smells of breakfast invaded his nostrils.

Breakfast?

He really expected that Alex would still be in the bedroom brooding, not out in the kitchen, cooking a full breakfast.

Mulder let out a long sigh and made for the bathroom.

Alex looked up from the stove and watched as Mulder quietly entered the room. He was showered and clean shaven, but looked pretty much the same way Alex did. Like hell.

Bloodshot hazel eyes, met puffy green. Alex gave Mulder a tiny, shy smile. Receiving no response, he quickly dropped his gaze back to the stove. Mulder's voice regained his attention.

"You didn't have to do this."

"I always make you a big breakfast on Sunday."

"You must be tired. You don't look like you slept much."

"I'm okay."

An obvious lie. Mulder chose not to address it.

He seated himself at the table and pretended to read the paper, while Alex finished cooking. A few minutes later, breakfast was served. Both men sat silently picking at their food. Mulder waiting for a word... something from Alex that said he was ready to start dealing with this problem. But Alex wasn't talking. Not so much for lack of something to say, but more out of fear of saying the wrong thing.

When it had become obvious that nothing was going to get solved this morning, Mulder shoved his barely touched plate aside and pushed away from the table.

"I got some work to do," he announced softly. He started to turn away from the table, then stopped and turned back. "Sorry about breakfast."

Alex lowered his eyes to his hands, folded in his lap and gave a weak nod. Long after Mulder had gone, he sat staring at nothing in particular. Finally, he rose and began to clear away the dishes.

Mulder lifted his glasses onto his forehead and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

God, what a headache.

He glanced down at his watch.

Four eleven.

His eyes rose to the door.

He hadn't heard a peep from Alex, all day. He wondered what he was doing. He missed him.

The soft knock startled him. Alex never knocked. Of course, he'd never closed the door before, either

"Yeah."

The door opened slowly and Alex drifted in. "I umm..." His eyes skittered all over the room as he spoke. "W-would you like some dinner? You haven't eaten all day."

"I'm not really hungry."

"You have to eat, Fox."

"Have you?"

Silence.

"A pizza would be fine with me. I'm really not up for any big meal."

"What time do you want it?"

"I don't know. An hour or so, I guess."

Alex nodded. He hesitated for a moment, then asked, "You almost through?"

Mulder turned back to face the computer. "Not really." He absently raised a hand to his own shoulder and massaged it.

You would have been done hours ago, if you'd kept your mind on your work...

Alex lingered in the doorway. Should he or shouldn't he? Finally, he took a few cautious steps forward and gently laid his hands on his lover's shoulders. "You should have taken a break," he murmured as his hands began to work out the kinks.

Mulder groaned softly and let his head fall forward.

Oh God, that's good. So good, so... good to have his hands on me...

And his mouth. So lightly brushing the back of Mulder's neck...

Mulder's head jerked up and his eyes opened. He pitched forward and rolled his chair away, effectively rejecting Alex's attempt at affection.

The younger man backed away, hands clasping tightly together. "I'm sorry. I... you just... I thought maybe..."

"I meant what I said last night, Alex."

Alex nodded. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that. For a minute, it just seemed like you wanted..."

Mulder spun out of his chair and sent it slamming against the desk.

"Stop it! Just knock it the fuck off, would you?"

Alex stared, stricken.

"Were you listening to me, last night? I don't want this, 'whatever Fox wants and to hell with what I want', bullshit! Mulder raked his hand through his hair and began to pace. "You know, after what I said to you last night, making breakfast for me was the bloody last thing I expected you to do! What the fuck was that about, anyway?"

"I... I," Alex stammered, " told you, I always make breakfast for you on Sunday..."

"After last night?!? Who the fuck are you? My Alex never would have taken that shit from me, nevermind turn around and make me a big breakfast the next morning!"

"But... this..this mess is all m..my fault. I just... I just want to try to make it up to you..."

"Do me a big favor Alex, and don't. Okay? I... can't... stand... it. I tried, I did. I tried to be patient. I kept hoping that you'd just get over this, but goddamn! You just seem to get more and more pathetic!"

Alex's breath caught in his throat. He stared mutely at the enraged man, who had started to approach him.

"You want me to use you, Alex? You want to wash my clothes and serve me food... sit at my feet like a fucking puppy?" He grasped Alex's shirt with both hands and yanked it apart, snapping three buttons. "You want to be my bitch? Suck my cock... let me come in your mouth, then take yourself into the bathroom for a nice, cold shower? You really think this shit makes me happy?" He shoved the stunned man away. "Do you?"

Alex's eyes filled with tears, but he remained silent.

"This shit is driving me crazy, Alex. I don't know what the hell to do with you and you know, I'm really too tired to try to figure it out, anymore. It's on you. Let me know when and if you're ever ready to go back to being my Alex." Mulder retrieved his chair and dropped into it, spinning his back to the other man.

Two teardrops fell, one after another, as Alex stared down at the floor. He turned and exited the room, closing the door silently behind him.

The moment Alex's presence was no longer felt, Mulder's head rose. He stared at the door for long moments, then dropped his head into trembling hands.

Mulder opened his eyes and glanced around. Pale light filtered in through the blinds of his office window, making it somewhat easier to read the clock on his desk.

Five seventeen

He looked down at himself. Still dressed in the same clothes that he wore the night before.

He swung his legs off the sofa and sat up.

Sofa? How did he get there?

The last thing he remembered was the... oh God, the awful things he said to Alex and the terrible look of hurt in those beautiful eyes, just before he turned his back on him.

"Jesus," he whispered into his fist.

Taking a deep breath, Mulder hoisted himself off of the sofa and exited the room. He moved slowly to the bedroom and paused at the door.

What are you going to do? Wake him up at five something in the morning and ask to have a heart to heart? What makes you think he'd want to talk to you after what you did? When he went nuts on you last week, you left. Shit. Maybe he did the same. Maybe he left last night after you fell asleep. I mean, could you blame him? You were a rotten bastard, last night. If I were him, I don't know if I'd ever forgive you...

Attempting to mentally prepare himself for the possibility that Alex might not be there, Mulder carefully turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Fingers of pale light made their way into the room and slatted across the bed, revealing Alex, fully clothed, on Mulder's side of the bed, curled tightly around his lover's pillows.

Mulder stepped silently into the room and squatted beside the bed. A sad shadow of a smile curved his lips as memories of the first night, more specifically the first morning, that he and Alex had spent together, invaded his thoughts.

Mulder had awakened first, feeling a warm presence behind him. Recalling the night before and thinking that only something completely and utterly unholy could have done the things that Alex had done to him last night, he turned to look upon the demon, but found no such creature. Instead, he found himself looking at the most innocently beautiful face he had ever seen. He couldn't take his eyes off of that face, and he knew in that instant, that he would never want to wake up next to anyone other than this man, for the rest of his life...

Mulder blinked and refocused on the same sweet face that he'd looked on that morning, almost two years ago. He reached out and feathered the surface of Alex's hair with the back of his hand.

"I love you, Lexei," he whispered under his breath. "Please, come back to me." He drew his hand back, rose to his feet, and left the room.

Alex blinked in the bright morning sunlight and sat up. A glance at the clock and some quick subtraction, told him that he'd had about three and a half hours of sleep. It was more than he thought he'd get, given the events of the night before.

The pain came back in a rush as he recalled Fox's words and the look of disgust in his eyes as he said them. After he'd left the office, he remembered staggering through the house and out to the yard, where he fell into a chair and sat staring out into the darkness. Sometime later, he came back into the house and went straight into the bedroom, where he collapsed, fully dressed, onto the bed and lay there wide eyed, until sometime after four.

He swallowed back the threatening sting of tears and got out of bed. But now that he was up, now what? He didn't know what to do, what he should...

He couldn't face Fox... not that Fox wanted to see him, anyway. But it was only seven thirty, and chances were great, that the other man was still in the house.

Should he stay there in the bedroom until he was sure Fox was gone? Yeah, maybe.

Okay, a shower first, then a shave and maybe by then, enough time would have passed for him to safely venture out.

Twenty-five minutes later, Alex opened the bedroom door and stood, listening. All was quiet.

He moved down the hall, slowing his pace when he reached Mulder's office. The door was wide open and no sound came from within, so he carefully peeked inside.

No Fox.

Alex entered the living room and looked around. Again, there was no sign of the other man. He took a deep breath and headed for the last place Fox might be.

The kitchen door squeaked gently as he swung it open and looked inside.

Empty.

Alex didn't know whether to be relieved or scared. He headed back to the bedroom and came to stand in front of Fox's closet.

What if he had no intention of coming back after work? What if he'd come in last night and packed his clothes?

One way to find out.

Alex closed his eyes and slid the door open. He opened his eyes slowly and nearly sank to the floor in relief, when he found all of Fox's clothes just the way he'd hung them, neatly, by color.

What the hell are you so happy about? It's not like you're going to throw your arms around each other and everything's going to be fine and wonderful. He's furious with you. He can't stand the sight of you.

Alex backed away from the closet and sat heavily on the bed. He closed his eyes and hung his head.

"Morning, Mulder." Scully tossed her bag onto her desk as she entered their shared office.

"Morning."

"Oh, hell. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, please. You can't do nonchalant, Mulder. Just give it up and tell me why you've got a face, a mile long. You're beating yourself up over something, what is it?"

"What makes you think I'm doing that?"

"I'd know that look of self-loathing, anywhere. Tell me what happened."

Mulder sighed and rubbed at the corners of his eyes. "Your partner is a prick, Scully."

"That's just a little harsh, isn't it?"

"The truth is seldom pretty. Haven't we learned that?"

"I'll ask you again. What happened?"

"I don't want to go into the whole thing, I just... I can't. Suffice it to say, that I was so... rotten to Alex last night, I don't know that he'll ever forgive me for it."

"Come on, it couldn't have been that bad."

"It could have been and it was."

"Can I ask, why?"

"I couldn't take his behavior anymore. I'd had it and I let him know, none to kindly. If you could have seen the hurt in his eyes, you would have wanted to string me up from the highest tree. But instead of apologizing, I let him leave the room and I just stayed there, in my office. Fell asleep on the couch. When I got up this morning, I found him asleep in the bedroom, still dressed, curled up with my pillows." He smiled sadly, a bright gleam coating one eye. "You ever see him sleep?"

"I don't think so."

"You'd have remembered if you had. So beautiful. Almost angelic..."

Scully arched one eyebrow. "Ooookaaaay..."

Mulder frowned and looked away.

"I'm sorry Mulder, it's just kind of hard to imagine, you know? Listen, whatever happened, you've got to straighten it out, you know that. It'll just eat you up until you do."

"I know Scully, but I don't know how to..."

The ringing phone interrupted Mulder's sentence.

"Mulder. Yeah..what?............ We'll be right there." He dropped the phone into its cradle and looked up at his partner. "We gotta go. Morelli and his boys have who we believe to be the killer, in Alexandria."

"Hello?"

"Alex?"

"Hi Maggie."

"Are you okay? You don't sound well and the phone rang so many times before you answered it..."

"Sorry. I'm okay. Maggie? Would it be all right if we postponed lunch for another day?"

"I knew it. Something's wrong. Are you ill, Alex?"

"Not really."

"I raised four children, sweetheart. Don't try to snow me."

No response.

"Okay, look. If you don't want to go out for lunch, that's fine. I'll pick something up and come over there."

"Maggie... you don't... I..."

"I'll be there in an hour."

Margaret Scully disconnected and Alex dropped his hand to his side, letting the phone dangle from his fingers. After a moment, he placed it on the kitchen table and leaned back against the cabinets and slowly slid to the floor.

An hour and ten minutes passed, before Alex heard the doorbell ring. He lifted himself from the spot he'd been sitting in since Maggie's call, and went to the door.

Eyes as blue as Scully's and bright with concern, skimmed the figure in the doorway.

"Alex, you look like death."

Alex stepped aside and allowed the petite woman to enter. She shifted the two bags she carried into one hand and grabbed Alex's wrist with the other. Pulling him along behind her, she entered the kitchen and set the bags down.

"Sit down, here." Maggie pulled out a chair and pressed him into it. She studied his face for a few seconds, then pulled up a chair for herself. "Your eyes are bloodshot and all dark underneath. You haven't slept, have you?"

"Not too much."

"Where's Fox?"

"Work, I guess."

"You guess? Don't you know?"

"Y... yeah. He's at work."

Maggie frowned. "Does he know you're not well?"

Alex swallowed down the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat and lowered his head, a bit.

"Alex?"

"I'm not sick, Maggie. I'm okay."

"Okay, you're not sick. Then it's got something to do with Fox. Did something happen between the two of you?"

"I'd really rather not talk about it."

"I don't want to pry, honey. Whatever happened between you and Fox is your business. But look how it's got you. You need to work it out, whatever it is. Can you do that?"

"I don't... I don't know. I don't know if he even wants to, anymore."

"Aw sweetie, it can't be as bad as all that."

"You weren't here."

"No, I wasn't. But let me just tell you this. Fox loves you, Alex. I'm as sure of that as I am, my own name. And I'm just as sure that you two will get through whatever trouble you're having." She patted his hand. "Now, how about some lunch?"

Alex wrinkled his nose at the offer.

"I'm not leaving here until you eat something..."

The young man sighed. "Okay, since you went to all the trouble."

Maggie gave him a brilliant smile and began removing the contents from the bags. "You're going to love this. The cutest little French sandwich shop opened up downtown..."

"Mulder. Mulder?"

Mulder turned his head in the direction of his partner.

"It's after six. We could be here for quite a while, yet. Shouldn't you call Alex?"

"Yeah. I should. I've been telling myself that for over an hour, now."

"So?"

"So, I don't know what to say to him."

"What do you want to say to him? Besides, 'I might be pretty late'?"

"I want to tell him that I'm sorry about last night and that I love him more than he can know."

"Sounds pretty good to me."

Mulder pulled his cell phone from his inside breast pocket and walked away, trying to find a quieter place within the precinct, to make his call. Finally, he found a spot and dialed his home number. The phone rang four times before he heard a brief rustle and a soft, hoarse, 'hello'.

"Alex... it's me."

Silence.

"Umm, look, uhhh... I'm going to be late. The suspected killer has been caught and I might have to be here at the police station for a while, yet... Alex, are you there?"

"Yeah."

Mulder closed his eyes and drew a steady breath.

What the hell did you expect?

"All right, then. I'll uh... I guess I'll see you when I get home, if it's not too late."

"Uh-huh."

"See you later, then."

"Bye."

Mulder leaned forward, pressing his head to the wall in front of him, phone still to his ear.

Well, that went well.

He pressed 'end' and shoving the phone back into his pocket, rejoined Scully.

"That was quick."

"Yeah."

"Okay... you didn't tell him, did you?"

"I don't think it would have done much good if I had."

"Meaning, you didn't."

Mulder ignored Scully's last statement and moved down the crowded hall, toward the interrogation room. "Let's see if we can't move this along, huh?"

Alex lay back against the pillows, blindly flipping through channel after channel. He shifted again and again, unable to find a comfortable position on the stiff pillows. His focus on the television blurred as he thought back to Fox's call, a couple of hours ago.

He was shocked at hearing the soft monotone, telling him he'd be late. He truly had not expected it. He didn't know what to think at all, really. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to feel.

Not true, exactly. He did feel something. A few things, actually. Hurt, confusion, regret... hurt... loneliness... hurt...

Alex closed his eyes and tried to think of something else. Something happier. A tiny smile played at his lips as he recalled the first night that he and Fox spent in their new home.

Boxes everywhere, furniture in complete disarray. And instead of straightening the mess out, they opted to leave everything as it was until morning. They'd cracked open a big bottle of champagne and drank the whole thing, while they ate five-alarm buffalo wings and bacon and cheddar potato skins.

By the end of the bottle, neither man was feeling much pain...

"What's so funny?"

The more Alex looked at Mulder, the more he giggled.

"C'mon, tell me!"

"Nothing... nothing, it's just..." Alex broke into hysterics.

Mulder leapt from his little patch of floor, landing with surprising grace, on top of his lover and pushing him onto his back.

"You gonna tell me?"

Alex pushed against Mulder's chest, but he was laughing to hard to have much effect.

Mulder easily pulled the younger man's hands above his head and pinned them there. "Tell me what's so funny, or I'll really give you a reason to laugh.

Alex's eyes widened. "No," he choked. "No Fox, don... don't!"

Screeches of laughter bounced off of the bare walls, as Mulder mercilessly tickled the man beneath him.

"Cut it... out... shit... I can't... can't... breathe!"

"Are you going to tell me what you were laughing at?"

"Yes! Just stop!"

Mulder drew his hand back but remained poised to resume the assault, if Alex didn't talk.

"It was nothing..." Alex drew a deep, shuddering breath. "You just... you have this spot of sauce right on the tip of your nose..."

"That's it?"

"Yeah." Alex grinned up at him. "It's just funny! It's been there for like, five minutes now. How can you not know it's there?"

"Why didn't you say something instead of letting me sit there, looking like an idiot?"

Alex began to laugh again. "I just wanted to see how long it'd take before you noticed, if at all."

"Great. Thanks."

"I'm sorry." He smiled up at Mulder. "Let me get it off, for you..."

The trapped man lifted his head off the floor, far enough to make contact with his captor's nose. His tongue inched out and licked at the orangy-red spot. "Wait... it's kinda stuck..."

"Stuck?"

"Yeah..." More laughter. "It's been there so long, it's started to dry..."

Mulder lifted his hand to rub at his nose.

"I said I'd get it off."

"You also just said that it was dry."

"So? Just takes a little more work, that's all..."

Alex's tongue swiped at the sauce a couple more times. "There. It's gone." His eyes took on a devilish gleam. "Oh... wait... there's some over... here..." Again, the tongue slithered out, this time making contact with the older man's lips.

Mulder groaned softly and his lips parted far enough to let his own tongue slip past them, making contact with the one teasing his mouth.

The amused gleam in Alex's eyes was quickly replaced with one of desire. He gathered up the necessary strength and rolled the older man onto his back, sprawling along the length of his body.

Mulder sent up a lazy grin. "Are you trying to take advantage of my slightly inebriated condition?"

"Yes. Would you care to protest?"

"Only if you stop."

Alex's soft laughter vibrated against Mulder's lips, then the interior of his mouth, as they came together. The laugh melted into a whispered moan, when the man beneath him threaded a hand through his hair and deepened the kiss.

Mulder shifted position slightly, trying to relieve the increasing discomfort in the crotch of his jeans. The action caused him to brush against his quickly hardening partner.

Alex broke the kiss and buried his face in the curve of Mulder's throat. "I have a question for you," he murmured against his lover's rapidly pounding pulse.

"What?"

"Why the hell are you still dressed?"

"I was just about to ask you that same question."

The two men undressed each other, practically ripping the clothes from their bodies, then fell together again, Alex still on top, slowly rolling his hips, rubbing his full-blown erection against Mulder's. The older man's eyes rolled up into his head and his lids dropped over them.

"Mmmm."

"Like that?"

Mulder nodded silently.

Alex kissed him again. Hard and long, then pulled away, smiling.

"Now, what?" Mulder panted.

"You know, we gotta do this in every room in the house, before the week is out, or we'll have bad luck."

Mulder's eyebrows drew down into a distinct frown. "Where the hell did you get that from?"

"It's true."

"I never heard of it."

Alex kissed him again, laughing. "Okay, I made it up. But it sounds good, doesn't it?"

"You're shameless."

Alex shrugged. "I know. But you love me."

Mulder clasped a hand at the back of the younger man's head and pulled him down into another kiss. "Yes, I do."

They made love twice that night, intense desire fueled by the joy and excitement of embarking on this new life together.

They fell asleep, entangled on the mattress, on the floor of the bedroom that would be theirs, happiness radiating from every pore.

Two rooms down, six to go...

Alex's smile faded as he came back to harsh reality and wondered if he and Fox would ever have nights like those, again.

Mulder slipped into the house, moving deftly through the darkness. A quick glance into the empty living room, and he moved on to the kitchen. Also empty. He proceeded to the bedroom and pushed the door open. His heart began to beat a little faster, when he found the bed, still neatly made.

Calm down. He's gotta be here, somewhere. His truck is still in the garage...

Mulder checked the bathroom, then journeyed back down the hall, to his office. That room, like the others, was vacant.

As he leaned against the door, thinking of where to look next, a slim band of flickering light down the other end of the hall, caught his eye. He walked toward the light and paused at the door of the guest bedroom. He listened to the faint drone of the television and leaned his head against the door.

Shit. Okay. Go in? What if he's asleep? Do I wake him? I'm sure he's had as little sleep as I have. All right. If he's asleep, I leave him alone. If he's awake... if he's awake? Yeah, good question. What the hell do I do, if he's awake?

Making the decision to play it by ear, Mulder turned the knob and pushed the door open. The television provided a strobe-like effect, flaring unsteadily across the figure on the bed. Mulder approached carefully and looked down at his lover, propped against a mass of pillows. His thick sable eyelashes gently swept the swell of his cheek and his mouth... that perfectly bowed, infinitely kissable mouth, parted slightly, making visible, just the tiniest flash of white teeth.

Mulder studied the beautiful face, feeling the strong urge to wake the sleeping man and ask him... demand, if necessary, that he come back to their room with him. But what right did he have? After the way he'd treated Alex last night, he was lucky that the younger man was still here, in the house.

Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. He'd take the morning... the day off, and they'd talk. Get this all straightened out. Hopefully.

He eased the remote from underneath Alex's hand, and shut the television off.

The soft click, snapped Alex's eyes open. Mulder heard the sudden intake of breath, and flicked the t.v. back on. Startled but exhausted green eyes, met his.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

Alex glanced at the clock. Eight minutes after midnight. He looked back at Fox, but didn't meet his eye.

"Just get in?"

"Yeah. They've got the bastard. There's a good case against him, I don't think he'll slip the noose."

"Thanks to all your work."

Mulder shrugged, then took a seat at the very edge of the mattress. "Uh... so... since you're awake, could we... would you mind..."

Alex sat quietly, staring down at his loosely folded hands.

"I'm really sorry about last night. I was such an asshole. I didn't mean the things I said..."

"Sure you did," Alex said flatly. "Or you wouldn't have said them. It's okay. You're right. I am pathetic."

"No, Lexei..."

Alex nodded. "This is my problem, Fox. I won't bother you with it. When I've got it worked out, I'll let you know, okay?"

Mulder sat with his head down, hearing his own words, coming back to haunt him.

"You look really tired," Alex said softly. "Why don't you go to bed?"

Not without you, Lexei. Come with me. Let's fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms, like we used to...

Mulder hesitated a moment, wanting desperately to give voice to his thoughts, but the words refused to come. He got to his feet and moved slowly toward the door. He stopped there, hand on the knob. He spoke to the man in the bed, without turning his head.

"Goodnight, Alex."

Receiving no answer, he opened the door and slipped out as silently as he'd arrived.

Alex watched the closed door for what seemed like an eternity, hoping that Fox would come back through it, promising him that everything would be okay and ask him to please, come back to their bed.

When he realized that it wasn't going to happen, he rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, trying to ward off the pain that swept through his body. He finally fell into a fitful sleep, sometime in the early morning.

Mulder entered the kitchen at seven twenty-two, looking around at the pristine room.

But...

He stood, hands resting on a chair, frowning in confusion.

That's bacon I smell, I know it...

His eyes fell on the stove. The oven was on, the knob turned to warm. He pulled the door down and found a covered plate inside. He retrieved an oven mit from the counter and removed the plate. Taking the lid off, he found the bacon he'd been smelling, accompanied by a stack of pancakes.

Alex...

He couldn't believe this. Alex had apparently gotten up long before he had, made him breakfast, then conveniently, disappeared.

Mulder set the plate down on the table, then sat in front of it. He hadn't much of an appetite, but Alex had gone to the trouble of preparing it for him, so he at least had to try.

To his surprise, he ate about half of the meal. Much more than he imagined he could.

Much as he hated to do it, he scraped the rest down the disposal, then placed the dish in the dishwasher. The thought to seek Alex out and at least thank him, crossed Mulder's mind, but if Alex had wanted to talk, he wouldn't have made himself scarce.

Mulder pulled open a drawer at the end of the counter, removing a pad of paper and a pen. He scribbled a brief message across the yellow paper, then left for work.

Three hours later

Alex entered the kitchen and went to the refrigerator for some orange juice. He poured himself a glass and leaned against the counter, taking notice that the oven had been shut off. On his way to the stove, he noticed the small piece of paper lying on the table. He slid the paper toward him and tilted his head at a slight angle to read.

'Thank you.'

He stared down at the note for a while, his thumb stroking across the two word message. Finally, he picked the paper up and let it drop into the garbage.

Another lonely night.

Mulder had come home early today, hoping that Alex might be in the mood to talk. But after the younger man fixed dinner, he excused himself, then retreated into the guest bedroom, not to be seen for the rest of the evening.

Mulder had tried once to initiate a conversation while Alex cooked, but it went nowhere...

"Can I help? Is there anything I can get... chop..." He gave Alex a wary smile. "Slice, dice, puree?"

"N-no. I got it under control. Why don't you just go relax? Dinner should be done in half an hour or so."

He should have said something more. Done something... pulled Alex away from the goddamn stove, spun him around and laid a long, tender kiss on him, begged him to talk this out, but noooooo. What did he do? He turned around and went out to the living room, where he brooded in front of the fucking t.v. for forty-five minutes until Alex came out, carrying a plate and a bottle of Corona. He set them down on the coffee table, placed a neatly folded napkin beside the plate, then left Mulder alone...

Mulder grimaced, propping himself up against three pillows, while hugging the fourth to his chest.

How long was this going to go on? He couldn't take much more of the silence. He couldn't take much more of the loneliness. He needed to see that smile that greeted him at the end of every day... feel those strong, sure arms around him... hear his lover's sweet, passionate whispers in his ear...

Sleep came to Mulder, painfully slow. Every waking moment, plagued by thoughts of his Lexei, hurt and alone as he was, tossing and turning, lying sleepless in the bed he owned, but was not really his.

We gotta stop this, Lexei. We gotta... before we stop...

Alex's eyes opened and he looked at the clock.

One fifty-six.

Great. Less than thirty minutes after he'd finally fallen asleep, he was awake again.

Something roused him. He didn't know what, but...

He listened in the darkness, hearing nothing but silence, then... there it was. Abrupt. Terrified.

Fox.

Alex bolted from the bed and fled the room. Before he reached the bedroom, Fox's voice sounded again, literally screaming... Alex's name. The sound froze him for a split second, then he was throwing the door open and falling onto the bed beside the sweat-soaked, sobbing man.

"Alex!"

"Fox..." Alex stroked his damp hair away from his forehead. "Fox, wake up..."

Damn.

It'd been more than six months since the last nightmare. He was doing so well... when they first moved in together, Alex had discovered that Mulder had frequent nightmares. He'd wake up in the middle of the night, screaming his sister's name. Sometimes it only took a few minutes to calm him down... sometimes longer. Sometimes, the only way to stop the incessant shaking, was to occupy him with other things. Alex would kiss him gently, skimming his body with loving caresses, until Fox began to whimper not with fear, but with need. Then Alex would make love to him, making him forget the terror and pain of his sister's loss.

But this wasn't Samantha's name, Fox was screaming. It was his...

"Alex, noooo... Alex!"

"Fox!" Alex shook him gently. "Wake up, baby..."

Mulder's thrashing subsided and his eyes drifted open. The first image within his focus, was that of Alex's frightened, concerned face. He reached up, touching the younger man's cheek, and began to tremble violently. "Alex... oh God, Alex..."

Alex pushed himself up into a sitting position, against the headboard and pulled Fox into his arms, rocking him gently. "It was just a dream, Fox. It's over. It's okay..."

Fox clung tightly to Alex, pressing his face into the younger man's chest, as Alex continued to rock him, and for that moment, they weren't two men whose relationship teetered on the brink of destruction. They were just Alex and Fox, wrapped in the warmth of each other's arms, giving and receiving comfort.

Alex stroked the golden-brown head, scattering tiny kisses over the crown, as Fox continued to shudder uncontrollably.

"What were you dreaming about?"

Mulder took a few hard breaths and began to speak. "It s-started out like all the..the r-rest. Samantha floating out the win..window and me not being..." another long, shaky breath, "being able to do anything... then it changed... I don't... I don't know where I was, but... it was dark, and... you were..." he tightened his grip on the front of Alex's t-shirt, "... were there. You were in this black pool of w-water, I guess. You were struggling... drowning, and you kept... kept calling me... reaching out for me, and I just..." his words started to come out in gasping sobs, "I just stood there, watch... watching... I didn't... I didn't..."

"Easy, Fox." Alex rubbed his back. "Come on, breathe..."

"I didn't do anything to save you..."

"It's the same as with Samantha, Fox. You were paralyzed..."

"No! You don't... don't get it! I could have saved you... I know I could've, I just... I just, didn't. I stood there. I watched you slip into that blackness. Then I realized... oh God, I realized that I wanted to pull you out. I tried, but it was... it was too l-late. You were gone." The tremors increased. "I let you go... I let you go..."

"You didn't let me go, Fox. I'm right here. Look at me. Please, look at me..."

Mulder turned tormented eyes up to Alex's face.

"See?" he whispered. "You didn't let me go."

The two men stared at each other for long moments, Alex still lovingly stroking Fox's cheek. Finally, it was Fox, who tilted his face downward.

"I can't... I can't s-stop shaking..."

"Are you cold?"

The other man nodded.

"I'll get you a blanket..." Alex loosened his hold on Fox and started to move away, but the older man would not release him.

"No." He looked up again, into unsure green eyes. "Don't let me go... please."

Alex hesitated, then slowly relaxed back against the headboard, again encircling Fox in his arms. "Okay." He rested his cheek on top of the quivering man's head and gently rubbed his back and arm.

A long silence passed before Alex curved a finger under Fox's chin and lifted his head. "You're still shaking. It's not just the dream, is it?"

Mulder blinked, trying to keep his focus on the sea of deep green above him. "I can't... can't lose you..."

Alex shook his head, opening and closing his mouth. Wanting to speak, but unsure of what to say. So he decided against speech. His head lowered slowly to his lover's, tentatively brushing the full lips with his own. The tiny gasp emitted by the man in his arms, prompted a deeper kiss.

Mulder groaned into the other man's mouth and wound an arm around his neck. It wasn't very long at all before they were kissing as passionately as they ever had, tongues stroking and caressing, teasing each other with the promise of what was yet to come.

"I need you Lexei," Fox whimpered against Alex's mouth.

Alex nodded, then slipped a hand under Fox's shirt, stroking his overheated skin, loving the feel of the rippling muscles, beneath his fingers. "I missed you so much, Fox. I'm so..." He stopped, biting back the words. Fox pulled away from his mouth and met his gaze on a level.

"You don't..." Fox drew a shaky breath. "..have to apologize, Alex. But go... go ahead, if you feel you need to. I know, I do."

Alex studied him for a moment, then spoke. "I'm sorry for all of this. I've caused us so much trouble... please forgive me."

Mulder imparted a tender, shaky kiss on Alex's lips, then replied. "I'll accept y-your apology, but I'm the one who needs to beg forgiveness, not you. I was awful to you baby, and I hate myself for it. I'm so s-sorry I hurt you. Can you forgive me?"

"You wouldn't have had to do what you did if I wasn't acting the way I was..."

"Can we talk it all out, Lexei? Make it right?"

"I want that more than anything."

Mulder smiled, raking his fingers through his lover's hair. "I love you."

Alex returned the smile as the other man moved in for another kiss. And another. And still another, until both men were panting heavily, tearing at the scant clothing that each of them was wearing.

Once they were naked, Alex rolled Fox under him and attacked his mouth once more, thrusting his tongue into the wet heat.

Fox surrendered himself to his lover, happier than he could ever express, to have him back. "Lexei," he whispered between kisses. "My Lexei..."

Alex's mouth moved away from his lover's, licking and nibbling at his chin, then the sensitive flesh underneath. He worked his way down to Fox's throat, then made a sudden detour north, paying loving attention to his ear.

"Jesus, I missed you..." His teeth clamped down gently on Fox's earlobe and pulled, before teasing the interior with the tip of his tongue.

Shivers raced down Fox's spine as he writhed beneath his lover. His fingers clenched in the lean muscles of Alex's back, prompting a deep groan. Fox shuddered, feeling the vibration pass into his ear and straight through the center of his body.

Alex left Fox's ear and worked his way back down, pausing along the way, to trace the ridge of his collar bone with the tip of his tongue.

"Mmmm... Alex..."

The younger man smiled against his lover's quivering flesh, then continued on, working his way down to one hard, brown nipple.

Fox hissed in surprise, feeling the gentle graze, then the sharp pinch of teeth, as they clamped down and pulled.

"Oh, God. You're driving me crazy, Alex... Alex!"

Alex held Fox's nipple firmly between his teeth and flicked at the tip with his tongue, sending the older man into a frenzy.

"Christ, I can't... can't stand it! Been too long, Lexei. Please. Please!"

"You're right." The soft, smoky voice drifted up to Fox's ear. "It has been too long. And that's why were going to wait. I want this to last."

Soft whimper. "How long?"

"As long as I can make it."

"Nooo"

"Oh, yes."

Alex was back. And he was taking no prisoners.

"Relax, beautiful. It's going to be a long night."

Alex returned to the reddened little peak, gently feathering it with tiny, teasing lashes.

God, he loved the way Fox tasted. He loved the sounds, soft and not so soft, that he made. He adored the way he felt... hard and soft... rough and smooth... how did he ever go... how the hell long was it? Made no difference, it seemed like a lifetime, without experiencing all the pleasures his lover's body had to offer.

Fox's head rolled frantically against the pillows, as Alex moved to torment his other nipple. He plunged his fingers into the sable silk, unsure of whether he wanted to pull Alex away, or hold him closer.

No matter, as Alex was going to do exactly what Alex wanted to do, anyway.

God, Fox was glad to have him back...

Alex's teeth closed around the second nipple, treating it to the same type of attention that the first had received.

"Oh God, oh... shit!" Mulder gritted his teeth, taking every bit of painful pleasure that Alex saw fit to dish out. "You're killing me, Alex. I hope you know that..."

The smoky, seductive tone crept again, into Fox's auditory nerve, curling around his brain. "I know that you love it... don't you?"

No answer.

A sharp pull on the flesh, recaptured between Alex's teeth.

"Fuck!"

"Don't you?"

"Yes! Alex, I'm begging you!"

"It'll do you no good."

"What will?"

"Nothing. Not tonight." Alex smiled at the low whine. "Don't worry, baby. I promise, it'll be worth the wait."

"You mean, the... torture..."

"Such a harsh word." Alex turned his attention back to Fox's nipple, bestowing a series of delicate licks and kisses.

Mulder's hands moved on Alex's back, using quick, erratic strokes, his respiration rate almost matching that rhythm.

Alex began to move again, drifting south at an excruciatingly slow pace, taking care not to ignore a single square inch of skin. His heart pounded in an almost identical rhythm to that of his lover and his own cock screamed for release, but he absolutely refused to rush this. It felt so goddamn good to have his Fox writhing beneath him, begging for his touch and it felt even better to finally be able to give them both what they needed without feeling that crippling guilt and self-hatred.

Fraction by fraction, Alex worked his way down to his lover's twitching cock, nipping at the salty-sweet skin, then thoroughly soothing the tiny irritations with his tongue. He moved down another inch and felt the moist tip, brushing the underside of his chin. He hooked two fingers around the base and pulled Mulder's cock away from it's resting place. Then, parting his lips, he brought his mouth down over the head, but would not let it touch the warm interior.

A low, warning rumble came from somewhere above his head.

Alex ignored the sound and drew his mouth away.

"Alex..."

The younger man rubbed his cheek ever so gently against the velvety shaft... "Hmm?"

"I'm really... really ready..."

"I know you are," Alex whispered absently, intently watching his own finger, run circles around the swollen head, spreading a thin coating of pre-cum over the blunt surface.

"Well," Mulder spoke again, trying to rein in his impatience. "Do you think maybe... we could get on with it?"

"Mmmm... nope."

"W-what do you mean, nope?"

Alex continued to entertain himself, now tracing a path along the vein on the underside of Mulder's cock. "Nope. As in, no. Uh-uh. No way, Jose..."

Mulder drew in one shaky breath. Then another. He spoke to Alex in a soft, barely controlled voice.

"You do realize that I'm going to have to make you pay big for this..."

Alex's voice came back in a smooth purr. "Ooooh, you promise?"

"You can bet the ranch on it."

The younger man moaned his satisfaction and began inflicting dozens of tiny, butterfly kisses up and down his lover's length. Reaching the tip for the fourth time, he released a series of quick tongue lashes all around the head.

"Oh, Jesus... Alex... please. If you love me..."

"You know I love you, Fox."

"Then, please. For God's sake..."

"Have you ever studied my cock, Fox?"

"What?"

"Have you ever looked at it?"

The impatience was seeping through, again. "Yeah. Sure. Looks pretty much like mine."

Alex propped his head up in his hand and observed the organ in question. "Maybe at a quick glance, but I think they're like hands. No two are the same."

"I'm gonna kill you..."

"For instance, yours curves the tiniest bit to the left... my left, not yours..."

"You're a dead man..."

"Does mine?"

"Does yours, what?"

"Curve."

"I don't... look, Alex. I'll check it out later and describe it in minute detail to you, okay? But for now, would you just please..."

"You might think this is kind of sick, but... you know when I best like to give you head?"

"Right now?"

"After we've come in from a run or just finished working out. I love that salty, clean sweat taste..."

"God, I can see it now. 'Gee, Mr. medical examiner, I don't know what killed him. I hadn't even fucking, touched him yet!'"

"You shouldn't clench your jaws like that, Fox. That's how my uncle Vlad wound up with TMJ. Poor man couldn't even open his mouth to eat. He had to be fed through a straw..."

Mulder covered his eyes with his hands. "You can't kill him. You'd regret it, later. You love him, you can't kill him. You can't kill... ohhhhhhhhhh, yessssssssssss..."

Making the sudden decision to play nice, Alex opened his mouth and slid it over the entire length of Mulder's cock.

Mulder's face contorted in intense pleasure, as his lover used ever talent at his disposal, to bring him to the very edge of orgasm.

"No, don't stop! Don't..."

Alex released Fox from his mouth and slid up over his body.

"Shhh. Easy." He grinned at the man beneath him. "That was close, huh?"

Through gritted teeth. "Yes."

Alex dropped his head to the other man's, dragging his tongue heavily, across his mouth. "You can't come yet."

"Oh God, why not?"

"Because I want to be inside you, when you do."

"Well, get there, would you?"

"All right, all right. Now, where did I put the lube..."

"You've got three seconds to find it."

"And if I don't?"

"You're going in without it. Sure as shit wouldn't be the first time."

Alex smirked, pulling open the nightstand drawer. He made a show of rummaging through the contents, then produced the tube. "Hmm. Feels kinda light. I'd better remember to put that on my shopping list..."

Mulder groaned and tilted his head back against the pillows. A few seconds later, he felt a hand in his hair, and his head being tipped forward, pulled into a soul-melting kiss. Alex released him long moments later, and whispered against his mouth.

"I love you, Fox."

Mulder's eyelids lifted and he found himself staring up into the sober, green gaze of his lover. Before he could respond, he felt himself being lifted and positioned. A loud gasp escaped his lips, as he felt himself being stretched and entered, slowly.

Alex threw his head back, releasing a long moan, as he struggled to get control of his body. It screamed at him. Pleaded with him, to plunge ahead and put an end to this torture he'd created for Fox and himself. But he couldn't. Not now. He couldn't deny either of them the pleasure of this moment. He moved slowly within his lover, pushing forward a bit, then pulling back, repeating the process, over and over, until he was completely sheathed in Fox's tight heat.

"Ohhhhhh, yes... Lexei... it's been so long..."

Alex lowered himself onto Fox's chest, his trembling arms no longer able to hold him up. The older man's arms immediately wrapped around his back, stroking and massaging the taut muscles.

"My God," Alex said in a breathless whisper, rocking slowly. "You feel so, so good..." His mouth came down tenderly on Fox's, drinking in his lover's soft whimpers. His tongue dipped into the dark warmth, searching for and quickly finding its mate... caressing and tasting the sweetness that belonged to Fox, alone.

Involuntary shudders ran through Mulder's body as Alex continued to feed on his mouth, and began a series of slow, deep thrusts. He tightened one arm around the younger man's back, while his other hand wandered downward, stroking over the tense muscles of his ass.

Alex broke the kiss and buried his face in the curve of his lover's shoulder, concentrating all his efforts on maintaining control. A difficult thing to do, since Fox was squeezing his ass, pulling him in tightly on every downstroke.

"Fox... damn... Fox, don't... I can't hold on, if you're..."

Mulder showed no signs that he'd heard a word of what Alex was trying to say. The only thing that filtered through the sensual haze he was in, was the urgent demands of his body. He tilted his hips, giving Alex greater access, then joined his left hand with his right, coaxing his lover to increase the speed and strength of his thrusts.

Alex held up well under the pressure, but when the soft, gasping moans began, he threw in the towel. Alex Krycek was a man who had always prided himself on his patience and restraint, but he learned early on, that he had no defense for those sounds. They were as irresistible to him as the man who made them.

Slipping one hand under Fox's head and the other between their hips, Alex grasped his lover's cock and began to milk it in time to his movements.

Mulder's head twisted to the side and a loud sob tumbled from his open mouth.

"It's right there Fox," Alex panted. "You feel it?"

Mulder nodded, unable to speak.

"Come on, then. Come with me... come on, baby..."

Mulder's body tightened as his orgasm hit, squeezing his lover's cock in a vise-grip. The sensation resonated through Alex's whole body. He groaned through gritted teeth and drove into Fox with all his strength, feeling the rush of his own release, only seconds later. Their hoarse cries tore through the room as Alex continued to pound into his lover, refusing to quit until sheer exhaustion caused him to collapse. He fell on top of Fox, intermittent shudders running through his limp body.

"Alex..." The almost inaudible whisper sounded, long minutes later.

No answer.

"Lexei..."

"Hmm..."

"Let go."

Alex moaned softly, already slipping back into unconsciousness. Mulder worked a hand between them. "Baby, let..." He managed to grasp Alex's hand, which was still wrapped tightly around his cock. "... let... go."

Alex heard and understood, loosening his grip and moving his hand away. He let it drop on the pillow, beside Mulder's head and the older man could not resist turning his head to taste himself. He wrapped his arms around Alex's back and stroked it slowly, while he dropped several kisses onto the head, nestled against his shoulder.

"Fox?"

Mulder smiled at the sleepy mumble.

"Yeah?"

"Can't move..."

He laughed softly. "It's okay. I don't want you to." He tightened his hold on his lover. "Go to sleep."

There was no need for that last instruction. Alex never heard it.

What the hell is that? Oh... the phone...

Alex's head jerked up and looked around. His action caused the man beneath him to stir. He stretched over Fox and grabbed for the phone...

Scully's eyebrows rose at the sound of the hoarse 'hello'.

"Alex?"

"Yeah. Scully, what's..."

"I'm sorry I woke you, but... Alex, would you have any idea where Mulder is?"

Alex looked down at Mulder, whose eyes were just beginning to open, then glanced over at the clock.

Nine forty-three.

"Shit."

"What?"

"Uh, Scully..."

Mulder blinked up at his lover, noting his expression, then lifted his head to look at the clock.

"Oh, shit."

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

He could hear the smile in her voice. "Is that Mulder, I hear cursing?"

Before Alex could answer, Mulder took the phone from him.

"Sorry Scully, I completely forgot to set the alarm."

"Uh huh. Will you be coming in today, or should I go see Morelli without you?"

"N-no. I'll be there. Give me an hour, okay?"

"You got it. Hey, Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry I woke you boys up."

Mulder grinned into the phone. "See you soon." He hung up and turned his attention to the man draped over his chest. They stared at each other for a long while, Mulder stroking Alex's cheek, then he spoke. "I don't want to leave you, today."

Alex strung a trail of moist kisses across Fox's chest, before answering. "I know you don't. But you've got work to do."

"Scully understands. I should call her back."

Alex sat up and grasped Mulder's arms, pulling him up as well. He kissed the older man's chin, then the corner of his shoulder. He leaned forward until his forehead rested in the same spot. "Go to work, Fox. We've got plenty of time to catch up."

Mulder threaded his fingers through Alex's hair and pulled his head away from his shoulder. Their eyes met and held.

"Last night was incredible."

Alex kissed his arm, then gave him a thoroughly heart-melting pout. "So, you don't want to make me pay, anymore?"

"Oh no, you're still going to pay for what you did to me. Oh God, you're gonna pay..."

Alex's face brightened. "Later?"

"You must be the only person I know who looks forward to being punished."

Alex dropped a hand to his lover's thigh, tracing light circles on it, through the sheet. "Only if you're the one dishing it out..."

Mulder groaned softly. "If I don't get up right now, I never will."

"Okay." Alex threw the sheet off and slipped out of bed. He motioned to Mulder to do the same. "Let's go. You told Scully an hour and we've already wasted about fifteen minutes. Go get into the shower. I'll get your clothes."

Mulder swung his legs off the bed and looked Alex up and down. Mostly down. He stepped forward and wound his arms around his partner's waist. "I got a better idea," he murmured, pressing their erections together.

Alex groaned. "Your better idea is going to make you later than you already are."

Mulder just smiled and wrapping his hand around Alex's cock, led him into the bathroom.

"An hour, huh?"

Mulder bustled into the room and yanked open a file drawer. "I know. I'm sorry, I got stuck in uh..." he looked up at Scully's amused face. "traffic."

"Right."

Mulder tried to cover his grin as he searched through the drawer.

"I called Morelli and told him that we couldn't make it there until twelve-thirty. He wasn't thrilled to have to juggle his schedule around, but he did."

"Thanks."

Scully drummed her fingers on Mulder's desk. Waiting. Finally, she'd had it.

"Mulder..."

"Hmm?"

"What the hell happened?"

Mulder pulled the found file out and closed the drawer. He walked over to his desk and dropped into the chair, before he spoke. "We still need to do some talking... clear the air, but now, we're both in agreement about that. We're traveling the same path, again."

"I can safely assume that the kissing and making up phase has begun, though?"

A soft smile curved Mulder's lips. "Yeah."

"Thank God. Well, come on. We'd better get out of here. Morelli's mad enough."

Mulder quickly scanned the file for the information he was looking for, then jumped up and headed for the door. "Okay, let's roll. The sooner we wrap this case up, the sooner this day will be over."

Scully walked out after him, laughing. "You know Mulder, there was a time when I'd practically have to drag you away from work at gunpoint..."

God, this had to be the damn longest day on record.

Mulder pulled into the garage beside the black pickup and looked down at the clock, before cutting the motor.

Six eleven.

He grinned, recalling his conversation with Alex, earlier this afternoon. He was up to something. The devious tone in his voice left no doubt about that. He'd asked when Fox would be getting home, then insisted on pinning him down to an exact time. When asked about it, Alex said nothing more than that he'd had a special dinner planned, and if Fox was late, it would be ruined.

He exited the garage and walked slowly to the front door, looking around. Nothing out of the ordinary, so far. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, causing a piece of paper attached to a string, to drop down in front of his face. He yanked the string away from the doorframe and read the note.

'Hi handsome. Please go directly into the dining room.'

Smirking uncontrollably, Mulder followed the written instructions. He walked to the dining room, sniffing at the wonderful aromas coming from the kitchen. The smirk turned into a full grin, when he opened the door and found the dining room alight with at least a dozen candles and their favorite music, wafting softly through the air. His gaze fell to the table, which he noticed was exquisitely set... for one.

"What the..."

Mulder walked over to the table and found another note on his plate.

'Sit. Relax. Pour yourself a glass of wine and wait for me.'

Shaking his head, Mulder seated himself and pulled the bottle from the ice bucket, beside the table. Having filled his goblet, he returned the bottle to its resting place. He lifted the glass, momentarily entranced by the way the shimmering candlelight reflected in the burgundy pool, then brought it to his lips.

Having spent the majority of the day in a smoke-filled police station, his throat had become a bit irritated, and the chilled wine felt like heaven. Fox sat quietly, letting the wine and the music do their job, while he contemplated the meaning of the single place setting.

A quarter of the way through his second glass of wine, he heard the door open. He smiled into the goblet but did not turn around.

"You were early," the low seductive voice came from directly behind him.

"You were so adamant about me not being late, but I didn't figure it would be a bad thing to be early."

"It's not. I just hadn't intended for you to wait so long."

Mulder raised his glass for another sip and nearly choked as he caught Alex out of the corner of his eye, coming around his left side, carrying a large silver tray and wearing nothing but an earring and a decidedly evil, little smile.

"Dinner is served."

Mulder gaped at the man beside him, unable to say a word.

It was an even better reaction than Alex had expected. He set the tray down and moved closer to his shocked lover, skimming the slack jaw, as he glided around to the back of the chair. "Let's get your jacket off." He gently pushed Fox forward, and worked the suit jacket down his arms, and off. Draping the garment across the closest vacant chair, Alex returned to Fox's line of sight. The left corner of his mouth slanted upward, as his hands slid up his lover's shoulders, coming together at his throat. He loosened the tie enough to slip it over Fox's head, then dropped it down, around his own neck. He then turned back to the table and began serving the contents of the tray.

Fox watched all of this, mesmerized and still, very speechless. Not even his thoughts would come to him in a coherent pattern.

Alex finished serving the food, then picked the pale celadon napkin up, and placed it neatly over the prominent bulge in Fox's lap. He then leaned back against the table, and lifted a forkful of tender Chateaubriand to the older man's mouth. "Open up," he instructed in a soft, singing tone.

Fox finally found his voice, raspy though it was. "Are you going to eat?"

"Ate already."

"Why?"

Alex slipped the fork into his opening mouth. "So I could give you all my attention."

Mulder chewed the meat and swallowed.

"Good?"

He nodded. "Where are your clothes?"

Alex gave him a cryptic smile. "Would you like me to go put something on?"

Mulder shook his head.

"You sure?"

"Very sure." The seated man raised a hand to Alex's thigh and swept the length of it.

"Ah, ah, ah. No dessert till after dinner.

Mulder pulled the corner of his lower lip into his mouth and let his hand drop from Alex's leg.

Alex speared a tiny red potato and popped into the other man's mouth. "How was your day?"

"Long. One of the longest, I can remember."

"Aww. My poor Fox. Well, you're home now. You can relax."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

Alex cocked his head, giving Mulder a curious look.

"You're leaning against the dining room table, naked, less than six inches from me, feeding me my dinner and you want me to relax?"

"Is it that much of a distraction?"

Mulder snorted around a mouthful of food. "Like you didn't know."

Alex continued feeding him. "You've seen me naked a million times..."

"This is just a little different though, you know? You truly shocked me."

"I gathered that from the look on your face."

Mulder took hold of his necktie, just brushing Alex's chest with the backs of his fingers, and tugged gently on the silk. "Looks good on you."

Alex merely smiled and held another forkful up to his lover's mouth.

Mulder closed his lips around the fork and pulled the food away, never taking his eyes off of Alex's. When he'd swallowed, he wound the tie around his fingers. He patted the table with his other hand. "Hop up."

Alex raised one dark eyebrow. "You're supposed to be eating..."

"I will. Up."

Alex sighed, seating himself on the table.

"You know..." Mulder began, picking bits of food out of the plate. "..this is very good. Excellent. But it would taste that much better..." He lined the contents of his hand up, along Alex's thigh. "... if I ate it..." He nuzzled the other man's knee. "... like this..."

Alex sucked in a quick breath, as his lover picked the first morsel up, dragging his tongue along the skin as he did.

"You're an evil, evil man..."

"You started it," Mulder murmured against the younger man's thigh. "Now, I'm going to finish it."

By the time Fox had finished his dinner, Alex was a wreck. He fought to control the tremors that passed through his body, every time Fox's mouth grazed his skin. When the last bit of food was eaten away, he released a long breath of relief.

Fox rose to his feet and planted his hands on either side of Alex's hips. "That was the most delicious meal I've ever had." He leaned in, laying a soft kiss on Alex's lips. "Thank you."

"You really want to thank me?"

The older man leaned in, stopping when their mouths were only fractions apart. "Sure, I do."

"Fuck me."

Mmmm, I don't know..."

"Please?"

Mulder rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, giving his lover's request some thought.

Alex rubbed his head against the lightly stubbled cheek. "Fox..."

"What?"

"I need you," he whined softly, licking his way up to the Fox's ear. "Please."

"Maybe."

Alex slid off the table and wrapped himself around his partner, grinding their hips together. "Do me..." He let out a sharp gasp as Mulder suddenly spun him around. The older man grasped the end of the necktie, winding it around his hand, until he held it snugly to the back of Alex's neck.

"Slut." The amused whisper dripped like honey from Fox's lips.

"Is it going to get me what I want?"

"And then some."

Alex groaned at the feel of his lover's lips traveling up the side of his neck. Mulder held the necktie taut with one hand, as the other crept up and down his chest. Over and over Mulder's fingers skimmed his nipples, teasing them for just a moment, then flitted away. Alex twisted within his lover's grasp, his moans becoming increasingly anguished.

"Good?" Mulder plucked at one nipple, pulling a strangled cry from his captive.

Alex drew a gasping breath and nodded.

"Remember what I promised you this morning?"

"Yesss."

Mulder walked him over to the nearest chair and pushed him to his knees in front of it. "It's payback time." He loosened his hold on the tie and slipped it over Alex's head and off. He grabbed both of the younger man's wrists, wrenching his hands behind his back and securing them together with the knotted tie.

The blood thundered through Alex's body as he was pushed down over the seat. He closed his eyes and made a conscious effort to try to control his ragged breathing as Mulder ran a hand lightly, over his back.

"Comfy?"

"Oh, yeah. This is great, thanks."

"Do I detect a note of sarcasm in your tone?"

"Nooo."

Mulder removed his hand and pulled another chair up. He lowered himself into it and studied the man in front of him.

Alex opened his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Just admiring the scenery."

"The scenery would like to make a request."

Mulder tilted his head in curiosity.

"It's one very simple request."

"I'm listening."

"Fuck me!"

Mulder leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. "You've got some damn nerve, you that? How long did I beg you, last night?"

"I don't know, I wasn't keeping time."

Mulder dropped to his knees beside Alex's head. He brought his face down to the one resting on the chair and whispered into the exposed ear. "I was."

Alex whimpered softly.

"And now you're going to pay me back with interest."

"Come on, Fox..."

"You were looking forward to it, this morning. What happened?"

"Can't a guy change his mind?"

Mulder's tongue inched out, tickling the sensitive interior of Alex's ear. "Sure. But that doesn't mean that another guy is obligated to listen." He smiled to himself, listening to the sound that came out of Alex, undecided on whether it was a laugh or a sob. Maybe both. "So. What have you got for dessert?"

Alex wiggled his ass. "It's right here. Come and get it."

Mulder moved around to the rear, investigating Alex's offering. "Mmm. Looks good." He snapped his fingers. "You know, I just had a thought..."

"Should I be scared?"

"I don't think so... do we have any ice cream?"

"Uh. No."

"You didn't sound very convincing."

"No... really... no ice cream."

"Think I'll go check for myself." Mulder rose to leave the room but before he got to the door, he stopped. Doubling back, he freed Alex's hands, only to tie them in front of him, to the leg of the chair. "You stay put, now."

"Oh, like I've got a choice?"

The older man planted an affectionate peck on his cheek, then left the room. What seemed like an eternity later, he was back.

"Allllleeex..."

Alex gritted his teeth and squinted. "Yeah?"

"I thought you said we didn't have any ice cream?"

"Is that what you said?" I thought you said, iced tea. Cause see, we're out of that. I gotta remember to put it on my shopping... Ow! Hey!" Alex winced at the stinging slap delivered to his right ass cheek.

"Shame on you. Lying to me..."

Another slap. This time, across the left cheek. Alex's body jumped and his cock throbbed in response.

Mulder smiled at the low, frustrated growl. "That turn you on?"

"No."

"Another lie..."

Another slap.

Another moan. This one, louder than the last.

"You'll be really pissed in the morning, if you come all over the carpet," Mulder warned.

"I can't think that... that far... ahead."

"Ohhh... poor Lexei. Let me cool you off a little."

"Shit!" Alex's muscles seized, as his lover rubbed a spoonful of ice cream over his ass.

"Relax, babe. Enjoy it. Isn't it soothing?"

"S-soothing? It stings!"

"It won't in a minute. Oops, it's starting to run..." Mulder got on his knees behind Alex and licked the dripping ice cream off of his skin.

"God... oh God... Fox..."

"Mmmm." Mulder ignored him and spread more ice cream over him, this time, working the spoon into the crevice of his ass.

"Christ! Watch it with that thing, would you? You're in sensitive territory, there!"

Mulder's only response was a soft, nasty chuckle.

"I really think you're enjoying this a little too much," Alex hissed into the seat cushion.

Mulder observed the intermittent jerk of the younger man's hips. "No more than you are." The spoon moved in an upward direction, then away. Mulder discarded the utensil, then laid his tongue flat against the smooth flesh, and began to lick the thin layer of sticky sweetness away. Alex clenched his teeth together so tightly, his jaw was beginning to ache. Mulder worked slowly, savoring every twitch, every muffled groan. When every last visible bit of ice cream was gone, he gently spread Alex's cheeks and returned to his task. Alex jerked against his mouth, a loud roar breaking from his constricted throat. Mulder cleaned him thoroughly, taking extra care to tease the small opening, which prompted a long stream of curses to pour from the younger man's mouth. Mulder lifted his head and leaned over Alex, pressing his chest to the perspiration dampened back. He rocked his hips against his lover's ass, taking his torment a notch higher. "Such profanity. I can't believe I let you kiss me with that mouth... and other things..."

"It's cause I'm just so fucking good..."

Mulder reached down, untying Alex's hands and pulled them both into an upright, kneeling position. His hands wandered over the body in front of him, intentionally ignoring that one thing that was begging for his attention. "Very true. Why don't you show me how good..." He rose to his feet and walked around the kneeling man, coming to a halt, in front of him.

Alex looked up at his still, fully clothed lover. His hands slowly rose up the backs of Fox's thighs and over the curve of his ass. Pressing his hands there, he leaned in and rubbed his cheek against the rock-hard bulge. Heard the soft hiss of breath, and tipped his head to the right, closing his teeth over the restrained shaft, and pulling gently.

Fox's fingers plunged into the dark hair, closing around the silky strands. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensations a while longer, before Alex released him and reached for his belt. He opened his eyes and looked down to find his lover looking up at him through the thick fringe of his lashes. He touched one hand to Alex's cheek, sliding his thumb back and forth, across the smooth skin.

The kneeling man turned his face into the touch, hungrily licking at Fox's palm. Once he had the belt undone, he made quick work of the rest, pulling the garments off of Fox's lower body. Fox favored him with those looks that would drop most women and quite a few men where they stood, and began unbuttoning his own shirt, as Alex wrapped his mouth around the head of his cock.

"Oh God," Fox whispered, tilting his head back, as Alex proceeded to tease him mercilessly. "Easy, baby. Easy..." He struggled to get his respiration under control as his lover's mouth slid delicately, up and down on his cock. He shook his head and pulled Alex away by his hair. "I can't," he panted.

Alex smirked up at him. "I was barely touching you."

"I know, but... I couldn't. I couldn't even take that."

"Well then..." Alex risked a soft kiss on the weeping tip. "You're ready to explode... I'm ready to explode... what do you say we do it together? Now."

Mulder studied Alex for all of ten seconds, before he pulled the younger man to his feet and hauled him out of the dining room and into the bedroom. He practically threw Alex down onto the bed, before spinning him onto his stomach and shoving a couple of pillows under his hips.

Alex shook with anticipation, as Fox jerked the nightstand drawer open and reached for the lube. Hastily slathering his cock with the gel, he draped himself over Alex's back and worked a slick finger into his ass. Alex whimpered softly and pushed back against the probing finger.

"Fox... please..."

"I know, baby. Hang on." Fox added a second finger, adequately stretching his lover, then removed them, leaving Alex twisting in agony. He emitted a shaky laugh, gripping Alex's hip with one hand. "Hold still, will you?" His other hand grasped his cock by the base, guiding it, slowly thrusting into the man beneath him.

Alex clutched at the sheets, pulling them away from the mattress and burying his face in the pale yellow material that was gathering in a heap, by his head. His muffled cries prompted increased movement from Fox, who had now given up any thoughts he may have entertained about dragging this out a minute longer.

"Oh, yeah..." Fox grunted into Alex's ear, squeezing a hand between his lover's hips and the pillows, to take hold of his cock.

He rocked forcefully against Alex, increasing the tension, and jerked the cock in his hand faster, trying awkwardly, to match the speed of his thrusts. "I'm... oh... Jesus..." Fox pressed his face into the side of the younger man's neck, groaning loudly, as he spent himself inside of his lover. Alex came seconds later, screaming into the sheets and coating Fox's hand and the pillow with warm, slick fluid.

They lay joined together, struggling for each breath. Fox moved first, inclining his head to kiss Alex's shoulder. He licked his lips, then his lover's shoulder, enjoying the salty sweet taste.

Alex moaned, then shifted as much as the weight pressing down on him would allow.

Fox kissed him once more, then gently disengaged himself, drawing another moan, this time, one of protest.

"Now my back is cold," Alex grumbled at the man who had just dropped onto his back, beside him.

Fox snickered softly and pulled himself up, covering Alex's back with his chest. "Okay?"

Alex snuggled happily into the sheets. "Mmm hmm."

The two men lay quietly together, content with the silence for a while. Then Fox spoke up.

"Sleepy?"

"Thought I would be, but no. You?"

"No." He eased himself off of Alex and waited, while the younger man flipped over and propped himself against the pillows, tossing the soiled one onto the floor. Alex spread his legs, pulling Fox between them. The older man backed himself against Alex's chest, sighing contentedly, as a pair of warm arms came around him. He entwined the fingers of one hand with Alex's, and brought the hand up to his lips.

Alex nuzzled the side of Fox's head and whispered against it. "I can't tell you how happy I am to be here with you like this, and how scared I'd been that I might never be, again."

"I know. Me too." Fox held on to Alex's hand, bringing his arm back down, across his chest. "I hated sleeping alone in this bed."

Alex nodded in agreement. "I couldn't stand it. That's why, after that first night, I moved to the guest room."

Fox tipped his head up so that their eyes met. "Do you sleep there when I'm away?"

"No. It's different, then. You know... there's nothing wrong, you're coming back. It's comforting to sleep on your side of the bed with your pillows. But knowing that we were in the same house and you didn't want to be with me..it was just too much to take."

"I'm sorry." Fox reached up, cupping the back of Alex's head. "That was one of the stupidest things I've ever done. I tortured us both, needlessly."

Alex tightened his arm around his lover's chest. "Hey, I was driving you crazy. I'm shocked that you were able to put up with it for as long as you did..."

"What happened, Alex? Can you explain it to me? I'm not pushing for answers that you may not have, I just want to understand as much as I can."

"Sorry, it's not going to be much. I just know that I was fine, until you mentioned the name Mark Richardson. The jealousy overwhelmed me. I can't explain it. I knew him and I knew what he'd be up to. And I knew I should have trusted you, I had no reason not to, but I couldn't help myself. And I could feel the anger. I wanted to kill him. That's no exaggeration, Fox. I had to fight every instinct I had, to keep from whacking the guy. I hadn't had a thought like that in ages. But it cropped up," He snapped his fingers. "just like that. I pushed the anger as far away as I could. I didn't want to be who I could feel myself becoming... I didn't want to be who I used to be. But every time his name was mentioned. Every time something happened that involved him, I felt myself slipping another notch." Alex rubbed his cheek into the golden-brown silk under his chin. "I uh... I never told you or Scully but... I went looking for Richardson, after I left her place that day. I wanted to kill him in the worst way. I didn't find him of course, which is a good thing, for him. And me, I guess. And you." Alex sighed. "I could've screwed up the rest of our lives, if I had."

Mulder said nothing. He rubbed Alex's arm, soothing the younger man, and let him continue.

"I just came home, after I couldn't find him. I don't even know how I got back here. The thought kept running through my mind, that wherever he was, you were with him. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to kill him, that much was clear. But as far as you were concerned... everything was a blur. I was so confused... when Scully came over to talk to me, I was a mess. I'd worked myself into such a state. But she kept talking to me and some of the sense she was making, managed to make it through the rage and I started to see a way out of the place I really didn't want to be in, in the first place. She helped me clean up the mess in the garden and convinced me to go back to her place and talk to you. When we got there, and you were gone, something inside of me, snapped. Again, she tried to tell me that everything would be fine and that you were probably home, waiting for me, but I couldn't believe that, a second time. I told her I'd go home, but getting Richardson was the only thing I could think about doing. I kept seeing these images of him touching my Fox. Doing things to you only I should do..." Alex's eyes misted. "And I couldn't stand it. When you walked in and found me sitting in the living room, I'd already had myself convinced that you were there to tell me that we were done. Needless to say, it surprised me to hear what you did have to say."

"And you believed me..."

"Yeah. Well, it occurred to me that it would be very easy to check out your injured hand story and you'd know that, so why would you lie about it, you know? And then the guilt came sweeping in. And all of a sudden I couldn't look at you. I couldn't stay, knowing what I'd done. I felt lower than dirt. Like I used to feel, before. And the scum that I was before, wasn't good enough to be near you. Not nearly good enough..."

Fox turned onto his side and pulled Alex's head down for a soft kiss. It said all it needed to say. The younger man continued.

"Yet, I needed you. I was so screwed up. I felt I had to leave, but I wanted to stay and when you stopped me from packing my bags and told me you loved me... after all that had happened, it just ripped me in two. I really hated myself, then. And every time you touched me and I accepted the pleasure, I felt like I was taking something that wasn't rightfully mine. Like I was stealing. And I hated myself some more. I had to try to fix it. To replace what I'd taken from you, and then I started to overcompensate, I guess, for my failings. That started to piss you off and I didn't know which way was up. I lost sight of myself. I didn't know where I belonged in your life anymore, if anywhere, until last night."

"Why did last night change things?"

"I was feeling useless. Like a contemptible piece of shit, you'd just scraped off your shoe. I was sure that it was just a matter of time until you'd realized what I already had. That I was just in the way, and we'd be history. Then last night... you needed me. And there was no time to think about all that had happened or the consequences for what could happen. All of a sudden, I was me, again. Not the cold-hearted assassin of the past, not the jealous, pathetic, insecure jerk, I had become. I was the man you trusted and loved. The real Alex... holding you and making you believe that everything was okay. You put yourself in my hands. You trusted me to make it all right and that trust restored my strength and my identity."

Fox kissed the base of Alex's throat. "I'm so glad you're back. I missed you."

Alex hugged Fox to him and nodded silently.

"Promise you won't disappear on me like that, again?"

"I promise."

Fox curled up against Alex's chest. "And listen, if you want to punch me for all that stuff I said to you..."

"No. It hurt like hell Fox, but I know that you were desperate."

"Still. I'm so sorry. I love you, Lexei and I never should have let myself blow up like that."

"It's all right," Alex whispered. "Let's just start over, okay?"

Fox tilted his head, looking Alex in the eye. "Okay."

The younger man slipped a hand through Fox's hair and his head descended for a long, tender kiss. When he pulled away, he smiled down into sparkling hazel eyes. "I've got something I want to show you."

Fox chuckled softly. "I've seen it, but I'll be happy to take another look..."

"Anybody ever tell you, you've got a dirty mind?"

Fox recoiled in mock astonishment. "Never."

"Very convincing. Do yourself a favor, okay? "Don't quit your day job."

Fox flipped himself back into his original position, resting his back against Alex's chest. "So, what do you want to show me?"

Alex reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a rather battered looking, black leather bound book. He lowered the book onto Fox's thigh, laying his hand on top of it.

Fox placed his hand over Alex's and looked down at the book. "What's this?"

"It's a journal. I started it the night I came to you with the offer to help."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I wanted some kind of documentation. Some way to keep everything straight. And in case something happened to me, you'd have it as a point of reference. Someplace to go, if you needed to." Alex smiled into his lover's hair. But somehow, it wound up being something more. I wrote in it almost every day, until shortly after we got together."

"Where've you kept it all this time?"

"I went to Byers and told him about it. Told him that it was in a fireproof box, under the fifteenth floorboard in the living room in my apartment and made him promise never to tell you about it, unless I was dead. When we moved in together, I gave it to him and held him to the same promise."

"How come it's taken you almost two years to show it to me?"

"I don't know."

"What made you decide to show it to me, now?"

Alex shrugged. "I just thought... I just... it's part of me. And you should know. I never let you in on my thought processes, how I came to the decisions that I had... how and why I felt the things I felt during that time, and since all this confusion, I thought maybe somehow, it might help to... I don't know. Maybe there could be something in there... understanding... validation." He dropped his forehead into Fox's hair and heaved a deep breath. "Just... read it, would you?"

Fox rubbed the back of Alex's hand, making no move to pick the book up.

Alex waited, anxiety slowly creeping in.

"Fox?"

The older man turned his eyes up to meet his lover's. His soft smile eased the apprehension.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For finally giving me every last little bit of yourself." Alex looked from his lover, to the journal, then back again. "Is that what I did?"

The smile broadened. "Yeah." Fox lifted the journal and set it down a few inches away. "Can this wait for just a little while?"

"Yeah, I guess... why?"

Fox turned, pushing Alex down onto his back. "I really want to read your thoughts and I will, but right now, there's something I want even more..."

Alex giggled softly as he clamped his arms around his lover, dragging him down on top of his quickly hardening body. "Fudge ripple?"

Part II: Alex's Journal

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